Inner Relationship Focusing

1. Introduction

Version followed: Inner Relationship Focusing (IRF) as Ann Weiser Cornell and Barbara McGavin describe it in their Focusing Resources articles ("Inner Relationship Focusing", Focusing Folio 21(1), 2008; "Relationship = Distance + Connection", 1995) and in the Treasure Maps to the Soul / Untangling workshop handouts (McGavin & Cornell, ©1994–2014, 2017 edition). Cornell's books (The Power of Focusing, 1996; The Radical Acceptance of Everything, 2005; Focusing in Clinical Practice, 2013) are cited where used; most of their content is not drawn on [uncertain].

IRF is a way of doing and guiding Focusing, the bodily-attention process developed by Eugene Gendlin. Cornell first learned Focusing from Gendlin in Chicago in 1972 and co-taught with him from 1980. IRF took shape in the 1990s in California, in collaboration with the British Focusing teacher Barbara McGavin. It is a process method used on its own (one-to-one guided sessions, peer Focusing partnerships, workshops) or folded into other therapies. It is not a protocol for a particular diagnosis. [source: Wikipedia IRF; FR-IRF]

How change happens: the person turns toward a bodily "felt sense" from a calm, curious, accepting state called Self-in-Presence. They keep it company as "something in me" rather than merging with it (identification) or pushing it away (exile). When it is acknowledged and heard from its own point of view, it moves forward on its own, a "felt shift" or "carrying forward". Feelings change when they are allowed, not when they are pushed. Stuck patterns ("tangles") are seen as conflicts between partial selves, each trying to protect the person. These loosen when each part gets empathic company instead of being argued with. [source: FR-IRF; PoF3; TM]

2. Framework

IRF has no fixed treatment phases or session count. The authors teach it as a fluid process in each session, plus a developmental arc in which the client learns to do it for themselves. [source: FR-IRF; Wiki] The structure below names which parts come from the sources and which are synthesis.

How IRF changes Gendlin's six steps. Gendlin's steps are clearing a space, felt sense, handle, resonating, asking and receiving. IRF changes them in four ways: [source: Wiki; RDC]

• Clearing a space becomes a body scan or "clearing a space by acknowledging". Nothing is set "out"; each issue is greeted where it is.
• Asking the felt sense questions is dropped. Content is allowed to come forward.
• Resonating is folded into a long Presence stage of keeping the part company and sensing its point of view.
• The guide offers suggestions, not questions.

Within-session arc. Cornell's The Power of Focusing names its stages Coming In, Making Contact, Deepening Contact and Ending. [uncertain: this naming is not in the sources; the content below is drawn from the sources]

Stage A usually takes a few minutes. Clearing by acknowledging is described as taking about five minutes even with many issues. [source: RDC] Stage C is the longest. [source: Wiki]

Formats. [source: FR-IRF; FR-Info; Bischkopf; Trauma; Norton]

• One-to-one guided sessions, including by telephone.
• Peer Focusing partnerships: people take turns as Focuser and companion. Cornell's ideal is equal partnerships rather than a therapist–client hierarchy.
• Therapists using IRF moves inside their usual sessions (Focusing in Clinical Practice, 2013).
• Treasure Maps to the Soul / Untangling: multi-day workshops and retreats for stuck life patterns.
• Focusing Resources' live training runs about 9–18 weeks.

No source gives a standard session length or number of sessions. One page suggests a single session can bring relief. [source: FR-Info] Clinically, plan open-ended work and review after about 6–8 sessions. [synthesis]

Treasure Maps framework, for stuck patterns. [source: TM]

• A tangle is a situation where free action is limited, there is inner conflict, and at least two partial selves feel endangered.
• Partial selves take over when Self-in-Presence is lost. There are three types:
  • Protectors: controlling, critical, logical. They want appreciation.
  • Defenders: reactive. They act by being "good", being "bad", running away or collapsing. They want respect and empathic acknowledgment.
  • Compromised partial selves ("small ones"): young, wounded, often pre-verbal and shy. They want an accepting space and point toward what was left behind.
• The Four Powers are Self-in-Presence (the foundation), the Power of And, Deep Empathy, and Holding It All.
• The Four Territories:
  • Swamp: action blocks.
  • Wilderness: addictions.
  • Pit: chronic bad feeling.
  • Mountain Top: obsessive desire.

The handout text breaks off within the Swamp section, so the territory-specific procedures are not covered [uncertain].

Longer-term arc. [synthesis] The sources give no phase model. A practical sequence follows from them:

1. Build Self-in-Presence and body access.
2. Use acknowledging and Presence language with whatever comes.
3. Work with partial selves and tangles (critics, Not-Wanting, the Power of And).
4. The client practises alone or in a partnership using "I'm sensing something in me…".

Move on when the client can reliably notice and greet inner states without being taken over.

3. Guiding principles

• Self-in-Presence is the foundation. It is the client's own calm, curious, interested state, assumed to be available even when not felt. Your first job is to help the client find it, not to analyse content. [source: FR-IRF; TM]
• The key relationship is inside the client. Your relationship with the client exists to support theirs with their inner experience. Aim your reflections at that relationship. [source: FR-IRF]
• Radical acceptance of everything. Every part is welcome, including critics, "thinking", distraction and parts that do not want to be here. Never treat a part as an obstacle to get past. [source: FR-IRF; Wiki]
• No enemies inside. Every part is trying to help, however clumsily. Assume a good reason, possibly an old one, behind any reaction. [source: Critics; RDC]
• Change comes from allowing, not pushing. Feelings shift when acknowledged. Do not try to fix, change or get rid of a part. In IRF parts are not asked to change. [source: PoF3; FR-Info]
• Neither identified nor exiled. Relationship needs both distance and connection: "I have this", not "I am this" and not "get it away". Watch which side the client has fallen into and correct with language. [source: RDC; FR-IRF; Bischkopf]
• A felt sense is fresh and is had, not been. It forms freshly in open, unhurried attention. Slow the session down; do not accept stock emotion labels as the end point. [source: FR-IRF; TM]
• Suggestions, not questions. Questions can feel intrusive and pull the client into thinking. Offer softened invitations ("You might…", "Maybe…"). [source: FR-IRF; Wiki]
• Presence language. Reflect as "You're sensing…" plus "something in you…", and use adjectives rather than nouns ("something in you that feels afraid", not "the fear"). Your reflections both model and invite Self-in-Presence. [source: FR-IRF; RDC; TM]
• Not knowing, following. Bring curiosity and set aside what you think you already know. The felt sense leads. You may offer possibilities but cannot force it. [source: PoF3]
• Present time, in the body. Keep coming back to how it feels now, in the body, rather than the story. [source: PoF3]
• Pausing and waiting. Silence of a minute or more is part of the work. Do not fill it. [source: FR-IRF; TM]
• Don't argue with a part. If a part addresses the client or you directly, do not debate it. Acknowledge it and gently redirect. [source: FR-IRF; TM]
• Not-Wanting is a bridge to Wanting. Resistance and fear carry the same forward-living energy as wanting. Follow them rather than overcoming them. [source: TM]
• Don't fall into the feeling. Do not invite a not-wanted feeling that has not come forward by itself. Falling into intense feeling can retraumatise; company comes first. [source: TM]
• Embody Presence yourself. The companion's most important support is their own Self-in-Presence. [source: TM]
• Every session is different. Do not script toward a predicted outcome. [source: PoF3]

4. Intervention inventory

The moves are grouped by the stage where they usually appear, but each can be used at any point. Example language is illustrative unless quoted and cited. Short quotes come from the web pages cited; check exact wording against the books.

4.1 Resourcing: cultivating Self-in-Presence

• Purpose: Establish the calm, curious, grounded state that everything else depends on. Use it at the start of a session, after overwhelm, and whenever the client is merged with a part. [source: TM]
• Steps:
  1. Invite a pause.
  2. Direct attention to the support under the body (chair, floor) and to breathing.
  3. Invite noticing anything that feels alive, warm or okay in the body.
  4. Engage the senses, such as sounds or the room.
  5. Optionally offer a model (a kind companion, an admired person) or a metaphor of spaciousness (a calm lake, a large bowl).
  6. Invite the client to sense themselves as the space that can hold everything inside them just as it is. [source: TM, paraphrased]
• Example language (illustrative): "Take your time… notice the chair holding you… and your breathing, just as it is. You might notice somewhere in your body that feels even a little bit at ease."
• Watch for: Slower speech, softer breathing, and the client being able to describe inner states as "something in me". If grounding itself brings up distress, shorten it and orient outward to the room (see 4.24). [source: TM; synthesis]

4.2 Coming in: body scan in place of clearing a space

• Purpose: Bring awareness into the body and find out what is there, without moving issues "out". [source: Wiki; FR-IRF]
• Steps:
  1. Invite awareness of the outer body (contact with the chair).
  2. Move inward to the throat, chest, stomach and belly, the "middle area" where felt senses usually form.
  3. Notice what feels open and what wants acknowledging.
  4. Invite whatever wants attention to come, rather than choosing a topic for it.
• Example language (illustrative): "Bringing your awareness down into your throat… chest… stomach… just noticing what's there. You might invite whatever in you wants your attention right now to let you know it's there."
• Watch for: The client reporting a story instead of a sensation; gently bring them back to how it feels now in the body. If nothing is felt, see section 5. [source: PoF3; synthesis]

4.3 Clearing a space by acknowledging

• Purpose: Used when many issues crowd in at the start. Greet each one instead of setting it aside, so each is in relationship and none feels abandoned. Cornell reports it takes about five minutes even with many issues. [source: RDC]
• Steps:
  1. Invite the client to notice what is there.
  2. As each issue or feeling appears, have them acknowledge it.
  3. Move on to the next one, leaving each where it is.
  4. Then sense which one most wants attention now.
• Example language (illustrative): "So there's something about your sister… you can just say hello to that. And something about work… saying hello to that too. Now sense which one wants your company first."
• Watch for: Relief at not having to push things away. Do not use classic "setting it out at a distance" with someone who is already too distant from feelings. [source: RDC]

4.4 Inviting a felt sense (felt sensing, "Holding It All")

• Purpose: Let a fresh, wordless bodily sense of a whole situation, part or tangle form, as opposed to a known emotion. [source: TM; FR-IRF]
• Steps:
  1. Pause and rest in Self-in-Presence.
  2. Name the topic, situation or part.
  3. Invite awareness to settle in the body and wait for a sense of "all about that" to form.
  4. Keep it wordless at first; do not rush to label it.
  5. Welcome any difficulty describing it as a sign the client is in the right place.
• Example language (illustrative): "You might take that whole situation with your father… and just wait to see how your body feels about all of it… it might be something fuzzy, hard to put into words at first."
• Watch for: Hesitant, searching speech ("it's sort of… like…") is a good sign. Fluent, rehearsed explanations mean the client is in thinking. The felt sense is something the client has, not something they are. [source: FR-IRF]

4.5 Disidentification: "something in me"

• Purpose: Move from being merged with a feeling ("I am furious") to having it ("something in me is furious"), so there is a self that can relate to it. It usually comes before acknowledging. [source: RDC; TM; Bischkopf]
• Steps:
  1. When the client speaks as the feeling, reflect it back with "a part of you", "a place in you" or "something in you".
  2. For self-practice, teach the frame "I'm sensing something in me that…".
• Example language (illustrative): Client: "I'm just hopeless." Therapist: "You're sensing something in you that feels hopeless."
• Watch for: The client picking up the phrasing themselves, and the pace slowing. Cornell's three-picture image shows the target: the feeling is not all around the person (identified) and not outside them (dissociated), but held inside as "something". [source: Bischkopf]

4.6 Presence language (the guide's reflections)

• Purpose: Each reflection both mirrors the content and puts the client in the Self-in-Presence position. [source: FR-IRF; RDC; TM]
• Steps:
  1. Start the reflection with "you" plus an awareness verb (sensing, noticing, aware of, feeling).
  2. Refer to the experience as "something in you" or "a place in you".
  3. Use adjectives and verbs rather than nouns ("something that feels afraid", not "your fear").
  4. Add relational phrases where they fit, such as "what it's showing you is…".
  5. Reserve "you" for the Presence self, not for the part.
• Example language: "You're aware of a sadness in your heart area" (close to RDC). Illustrative: "You're noticing something in you that feels tight and wants to pull back."
• Watch for: The client staying with the experience after your reflection rather than explaining it. Avoid reflections that confirm identification ("you're terrified") or that exile ("that old fear"). [source: RDC]

4.7 Softened suggestions instead of questions

• Purpose: Invite without intruding or pulling the client into analysis. In IRF questions are "almost never used". [source: FR-IRF; Wiki]
• Steps:
  1. Turn questions into invitations.
  2. Cushion them with "You might…", "Maybe…" or "You could check…".
  3. Leave the client free to ignore them.
• Example language (illustrative): Instead of "What is that feeling?", say "You might sense how that feels from the inside." Instead of "Why is it there?", say "Maybe it has something it wants you to know."
• Watch for: If the client answers suggestions with quick, cognitive replies, slow down and add "take your time". Cornell's essay "Questioning Questions" covers this; it is not drawn on [uncertain].

4.8 Acknowledging: saying hello

• Purpose: The basic IRF move. It forms a relationship with what is there: a sense, emotion, part, critic, or even distraction. It is especially important with scary or intense feelings. It is often skipped and should not be. [source: PoF3; RDC; TM]
• Steps:
  1. Once something is noticed, invite the client to greet it inwardly.
  2. If "hello" feels awkward, offer simple recognition: "Yes, I know you're there."
  3. No reply from the part is needed.
• Example language: "Hello. I know you're there." (PoF3). Illustrative: "You might just let it know you see it's there."
• Watch for: An intense sense often softens while staying present; a vague sense becomes more distinct. If the client can't feel friendly toward it, use 4.19. [source: RDC; PoF3]

4.9 Gentle hand on the place

• Purpose: A bodily form of acknowledgment and company, also used to hold feelings that are hard to hold. [source: FR-IRF; TM]
• Steps:
  1. Invite the client, if it feels right, to rest a hand gently where the sensation is (chest, belly, throat).
  2. Have them let the hand say "I'm with you".
  3. Always ask permission and offer a choice; never require touch. [synthesis]
• Example language (illustrative): "If you'd like, you could rest a hand there, as a way of saying 'I'm here with you.'"
• Watch for: Breath deepening and softening. For some trauma survivors, self-touch can be activating; offer just sending attention there instead. [synthesis]

4.10 Describing and resonating

• Purpose: Get to know the felt sense by finding a word, image, gesture, sound or posture that fits it exactly, and checking that fit with the body. [source: RDC; TM]
• Steps:
  1. Invite a description of its quality (heavy, jagged, like a fist).
  2. Reflect it back in Presence language.
  3. Invite the client to check it against the felt sense.
  4. Refine until it fits; the body often gives a small "yes" or a release.
• Example language: "See if that feels like just the right word" (paraphrasing RDC). Illustrative: "You're sensing something heavy… like a stone. You might check whether 'stone' is quite right."
• Watch for: Slight relaxation or "yes, that's it" when the fit is right. Do not offer your own interpretation as the description. [source: RDC; synthesis]

4.11 Being with / keeping company / staying with

• Purpose: The heart of IRF. Keep a part company with interested curiosity, without trying to change it. Treat it like a kind parent with a child, or like a shy animal approached quietly. [source: TM; PoF3; FR-IRF]
• Steps:
  1. After contact, repeatedly invite the client to stay with it.
  2. Reflect small changes.
  3. Allow long silences.
  4. When attention drifts, gently invite it back.
• Example language (illustrative): "Just staying with it… no need to do anything… maybe like you'd sit with a frightened child, just being there."
• Watch for: The part starts to show more (images, memories, meanings). If the client starts fixing, reassuring or analysing, acknowledge the part of them that wants to fix (see 4.19). [source: FR-IRF; synthesis]

4.12 Sensing from its point of view

• Purpose: Build empathy for a part by sensing how it feels and what it wants or fears, as opposed to how the client feels about it. Gendlin's "asking" step is replaced with this inner empathy. [source: RDC; TM; Wiki]
• Steps:
  1. Invite the client to sense how things are for the part from its side.
  2. Wait for what comes.
  3. If another part resists giving empathy, acknowledge that one too.
• Example language: "Ask the fear place what it's so scared of, from its point of view" (RDC; an early wording). Later IRF prefers suggestion form. Illustrative: "You might sense how it is for that part… from its side."
• Watch for: The client moves out of a victim stance ("it's attacking me") toward compassion. [source: RDC]

4.13 Assuming a good reason

• Purpose: Used when a part feels oppressive or destructive. Propose that it has a positive purpose, possibly an old one, which opens curiosity. [source: RDC; Critics]
• Steps:
  1. Suggest the possibility tentatively.
  2. Invite the client to sense whether it fits; do not insist.
• Example language: "It may think it has a positive purpose for you" (RDC).
• Watch for: Shift from fighting the part to wanting to understand it. If the client rejects the idea, acknowledge the part that can't believe it. [synthesis]

4.14 Letting it know you hear it (being its listener)

• Purpose: When a part starts to communicate, a simple acknowledgment, with no arguing and no agreeing, encourages it to say more. [source: RDC; TM; FR-IRF]
• Steps:
  1. Reflect what the part conveys.
  2. Invite the client to let the part know it has been heard.
  3. Wait for more.
  4. Offer empathy where it fits ("no wonder").
• Example language (illustrative): "It's letting you know it's exhausted from holding on. You might just let it know you hear that… and see if there's more."
• Watch for: The part keeps sharing and becomes more specific. If the client replies with reassurance or advice to the part, gently return to receiving. [source: RDC; synthesis]

4.15 Deep Empathy listening cycle

• Purpose: A structured loop for inner empathic listening, one of the Treasure Maps "Four Powers". [source: TM]
• Steps:
  1. Sense freshly in the body.
  2. Give the part an invitation.
  3. Wait.
  4. Receive its reply.
  5. Let it know it was received.
  6. Check whether it feels heard.
  7. Sense freshly again, and repeat.
• Example language (illustrative): "…and you might check whether it feels heard now… then sense freshly what's there." Also: "See if it feels more understood now" (RDC).
• Watch for: Each cycle bringing something slightly new. Repeating identical content suggests the part does not yet feel heard; slow down and check. [synthesis]

4.16 The Not-Wanting invitation ladder

• Purpose: Reach the protective concern under a resisting, reactive or controlling part, then the Wanting under that. Not-Wanting is treated as a bridge to Wanting. Used with blocks, critics, and "part that doesn't want to". [source: TM; FR-IRF]
• Steps:
  1. Invite the part to show what it does not want to happen to the client.
  2. Acknowledge each answer.
  3. Go one step deeper: what it wants to prevent.
  4. Expect answers to move from outer events ("being laughed at") to feelings ("feeling ashamed").
  5. At a fork, either sense the Wanting behind the part, or directly sense the not-wanted feeling in the body.
  6. Only do the latter if that feeling has come forward by itself; never invite it.
  7. Symbolise what is felt until the symbol fits.
• Example language: "Maybe there's something you don't want to happen to me" (TM, the client's inner invitation to the part). Illustrative guide wording: "You might invite it to let you know what it doesn't want to happen…" Reflecting "not wanting to be crushed" often reveals the protective intent. [source: FR-IRF]
• Watch for: Visible softening when the protective purpose is named. If a raw not-wanted feeling floods in, return to company and grounding (4.1, 4.24). [source: TM]

4.17 Sensing the Wanting / "walking forward"

• Purpose: Sense the life-forward direction a part is protecting, and embody what is now possible. [source: TM]
• Steps:
  1. After the Not-Wanting is heard, invite a sense of what the part wants for the client (to be able to feel, have, or be).
  2. Later, invite a felt sense of what feels possible now.
  3. Optionally let the body move or posture it.
• Example language (illustrative): "Maybe there's something it wants you to be able to feel…" and later "You might sense what feels possible now… maybe even let your body show it." Also: "I am sensing what feels like fresh air" (TM).
• Watch for: Fresh energy, lightness, a sense of next steps. Do not turn it into homework goals too fast. [synthesis]

4.18 The Power of And

• Purpose: Hold conflicting parts together without choosing sides. Use for inner conflict, decisions, being pulled two ways, stuckness, and feelings about feelings. [source: TM]
• Steps:
  1. Pause and ground.
  2. Acknowledge each part in turn, and describe its felt quality.
  3. Then hold both in one sentence: something in me that… AND something in me that…, and both are here.
  4. Notice and acknowledge any part that resists this.
• Example language (illustrative): "You're sensing something in you that really wants to leave the job… AND something in you that's scared of what happens if you do… and both are here."
• Watch for: The client stops arguing with themselves, and a wider third sense forms. Do not push toward a decision. [source: TM; synthesis]

4.19 Turning toward the reacting part (feelings about feelings)

• Purpose: When the client can't be friendly to a feeling, or another part judges, fears or rejects it, turn attention to that reacting part first. [source: PoF3; RDC; TM]
• Steps:
  1. Notice signs of a second part (impatience, disgust, "I hate this", a wish to fix).
  2. Reflect it as another "something".
  3. Say hello to it.
  4. Sense its point of view before returning to the first part, if that is still relevant.
• Example language: "So there's a part of you that hates that fear" (RDC). Illustrative: "And there's also something in you that's impatient with it… you might say hello to that one too."
• Watch for: This often leads somewhere important; do not push past it. [source: PoF3]

4.20 Working with the inner critic

• Purpose: Turn the critic from an enemy into a frightened protector that can be heard. [source: Critics; TM; Bischkopf]
• Steps:
  1. Reframe the critic as "a part that is criticising right now", not the truth about the client.
  2. Acknowledge it without arguing or obeying.
  3. Turn toward it with curiosity.
  4. Invite the client to consider that it might be afraid, and sense what it is afraid would happen (4.16).
  5. Listen to the fear.
  6. Hold it in Presence and let it soften in its own time.
  7. Also turn toward the part being criticised, which needs company too. [synthesis]
  8. Hold both with the Power of And.
• Example language: For self-talk, "I'm sensing something in me is saying…" (Critics). Illustrative: "You might sense whether that part that's telling you you're useless is worried about something…"
• Watch for: Criticising the critic keeps the problem going. Signs of progress: the harsh voice quietens or reveals a wish for the client to do well. [source: Critics]

4.21 Affirming the sense's size (intense or trauma-related senses)

• Purpose: For a sense that does not ease when greeted, often in abuse or trauma survivors. Acknowledge how big it is, then gently check whether it relates to a past time when something felt similarly overwhelming. [source: RDC]
• Steps:
  1. Invite the client to tell the sense that they know how big it is.
  2. Wait.
  3. Tentatively offer the possibility that it is from another time, and let the client check whether that fits.
• Example language: "Yes, you're so big" (RDC, as the client's inner words). Illustrative: "You might just check whether it's carrying something from a time when things were too much."
• Watch for: Relaxation once its message is heard. Do not lead the client into trauma memories; let them come only if they arise, and keep company rather than plunging in. [source: TM; synthesis]

4.22 Pausing and waiting

• Purpose: Give the felt sense time to form and the process time to move. [source: FR-IRF; TM]
• Steps:
  1. After an invitation, wait silently, sometimes a minute or more.
  2. Invite pauses with "take your time".
  3. Mark silence as welcome.
• Example language (illustrative): "There's no hurry… just letting it take its time."
• Watch for: Restlessness, or the client checking your face for answers. Name an impatient part if one shows (see 5). [synthesis]

4.23 Checking with the part

• Purpose: Let the felt sense, not logic, confirm whether a step, meaning or move fits. [source: FR-IRF; RDC]
• Steps:
  1. When new material or a possible meaning arises, invite the client to check it with the part or the felt sense.
  2. Accept a "no" as useful information.
• Example language (illustrative): "You might check with it whether that fits… rather than figuring it out."
• Watch for: A bodily yes (release, breath) as against a head-level agreement. [synthesis]

4.24 Grounding and orienting for intensity

• Purpose: Restore Self-in-Presence when a feeling overwhelms. [source: TM; RDC]
• Steps:
  1. Invite the gentle hand where it is hard to hold (4.9).
  2. Refresh grounding: support under the body, breathing.
  3. Have the client look around the room and name what they see.
  4. Use Presence language and inner-relationship moves rather than distancing; Cornell argues that "finding distance" can cast the client as victim and leave the sense feeling abandoned.
• Example language (illustrative): "Let's pause… feel your feet on the floor… look around the room for a moment… and you're sensing something in you that is very scared."
• Watch for: Re-established ability to describe the part rather than be it.

4.25 Receiving and ending

• Purpose: Let the shift be taken in and close the session respectfully. [source: TM; FR-IRF; Wiki]
• Steps:
  1. A few minutes before the end, invite the client to notice what has come and receive it without analysing.
  2. Check whether the part feels heard.
  3. Sense what feels possible now (4.17).
  4. Let parts know the client can come back.
  5. Re-orient to the room.
• Example language (illustrative): "We're coming toward the end… you might check whether it's okay to stop for now, and let it know you can come back… and thanking whatever came."
• Watch for: The client leaving grounded. Thanking parts and checking whether it's okay to stop are standard in Cornell's teaching, but this is not confirmed in the pages cited [uncertain].

4.26 Solo practice and self-talk with Presence language

• Purpose: Hand the method to the client for use between sessions or when triggered. [source: Critics; TM; Trauma]
• Steps:
  1. Teach the client to pause and ground.
  2. Then teach them to say inwardly "I'm sensing / noticing / aware of something in me that…", and to acknowledge it.
  3. Then teach them to keep it company briefly.
  4. When triggered, a simple acknowledgment can help them return to Presence.
• Example language (illustrative): "This week, when that sinking feeling comes, see if you can say inside, 'I'm noticing something in me that's sinking… hello.'"
• Watch for: Reports of being "with" rather than "in" feelings. Avoid giving it as a demanding assignment, which can recruit a critic. [synthesis]

4.27 Focusing partnership (peer companioning)

• Purpose: Ongoing practice outside therapy. Two trained people take turns as Focuser and companion; the companion mainly offers Presence-language reflections and invitations. [source: FR-IRF; FR-Info; Bischkopf; TM]
• Steps:
  1. Refer the client to an IRF course.
  2. Partners agree equal time each and that the Focuser leads.
  3. The companion embodies Presence, invites pausing, grounding and inner relationship, and does not argue, push or try to change what a part reports. [source: TM]
• Example language (illustrative): Companion: "Take your time… you're sensing something in you that feels very small right now."
• Watch for: Partners slipping into advice; return to reflection only. [synthesis]

4.28 Treasure Maps mapping of partial selves (for tangles)

• Purpose: Understand a stuck pattern by sensing which partial selves are in it and what each needs. [source: TM]
  • Protectors need appreciation and want to know Self can cope if they let go.
  • Defenders need respect and empathic acknowledgment, and fear Self will side with Protectors against them.
  • Small ones need a quiet, accepting space.
• Steps:
  1. Name the tangle.
  2. Sense the parts involved and the strategies they use.
  3. Give each part what it needs, using 4.8–4.18.
  4. Watch for "hijacks", where a Defender acts before the client knows they have identified with it.
• Example language (illustrative): "So there's something in you that keeps you scrolling at night… maybe it's doing that to protect you from something… and also something that's furious about it."
• Watch for: Small ones are shy and vanish under pressure; give long, quiet company. The territory-specific procedures were not read [uncertain].

4.29 Integrating Focusing moves into ordinary therapy

• Purpose: Cornell's clinical book describes how to help clients get and nurture felt senses, facilitate felt shifts, help clients who struggle to feel the body, and support dysregulated states. It also covers combining Focusing with other therapies and applying it to trauma, addiction and depression. [source: Norton; book content uncertain]
• Steps: [synthesis]
  1. In any session, when the client reaches an unclear edge ("I don't know, it's just…"), slow down.
  2. Invite them to sense it in the body (4.4).
  3. Reflect it in Presence language (4.6).
  4. Keep it company for a few minutes before returning to the main work.
• Example language (illustrative): "Let's slow down there… you said 'I don't know'… you might sense how that not-knowing feels in your body right now."
• Watch for: Fresher, less rehearsed talk afterward.

5. Handling problems

IRF's general rule: any obstacle is itself something in the client to acknowledge and keep company, not something to overcome. [source: FR-IRF; TM]

• Nothing comes / "I can't feel anything in my body".
  • Treat the not-feeling as something to greet: "something in you that isn't sure anything's there". [synthesis applying FR-IRF; TM]
  • Start with outer sensations (contact with the chair, breath) and what feels okay or alive, then move inward slowly. [source: TM]
  • Welcome vagueness: unclear is the right place. [source: FR-IRF]
  • Saying hello to a vague sense tends to make it more distinct. [source: RDC]
  • Do not use distancing techniques here, as they can lose the sense. [source: RDC]
  • Cornell's clinical book has a chapter-level treatment of clients who struggle to feel in the body, not read. [source: Norton; uncertain]
• Overwhelm / flooding (too close).
  • Use 4.24: gentle hand, grounding, looking around the room, then Presence language to restore "something in me". [source: TM]
  • If greeting doesn't ease it, use 4.21 (affirming its size). [source: RDC]
  • Do not invite a not-wanted feeling that has not come by itself, and do not let the client fall into it. [source: TM]
  • If the client cannot re-ground within a few minutes, stop the inner work and switch to standard stabilisation for the rest of the session. [synthesis]
  • Screen for dissociative disorders and acute PTSD before deep inner work. [synthesis]
• Identification (client becomes the part). [source: RDC; TM]
  • Signs: "I am…" statements, collapsed tone, the client argues from the part's position.
  • Reflect with "something in you" and an awareness verb, and briefly re-resource.
  • In a Defender "hijack", acknowledge the hijack afterward without blame.
• Exile (client wants it gone, analyses it, or talks about it from far away).
  • Acknowledge the part that wants it gone (4.19).
  • Invite the client to sense the original feeling's point of view.
  • Avoid colluding with "getting rid of". [source: RDC; PoF3]
• Inner critic attacks the client or the process ("this is stupid").
  • Do not argue with or criticise the critic.
  • Acknowledge it, sense its fear (4.16, 4.20), and give the criticised part company too. [source: Critics; TM]
• A part addresses the client or you directly, or challenges.
  • Do not get into back-and-forth.
  • Reflect that something in them is saying this, and gently redirect to sensing it. [source: FR-IRF]
• Impatience, "it's not working", wanting to fix.
  • Impatience is itself a partial self: acknowledge it. [source: TM]
  • Don't force progress; welcome parts that don't trust the process yet. [source: TM]
  • Every session is different. [source: PoF3]
• Client answers invitations from the head, quickly.
  • Slow down, use fewer and softer suggestions, and wait longer.
  • Turn questions into invitations (4.7).
  • Reflect only the bodily parts of what they say. [synthesis based on FR-IRF]
• Client finds Presence language odd or artificial.
  • Explain the purpose briefly (being with it rather than in it) and let them use their own phrasing ("a part of me", "a place in me").
  • Mix it with ordinary language. [synthesis; RDC lists several equivalent phrasings]
• Non-adherence with home practice. [synthesis]
  • Treat the not-practising part with curiosity: what doesn't it want to happen?
  • Shrink the practice to one acknowledgment a day when triggered.
  • Consider a Focusing partnership or course for structure.
• Rupture with the therapist. [synthesis]
  • Use the same stance outwardly: acknowledge the client's reaction without defending, and reflect it in Presence language ("something in you felt pushed when I suggested that").
  • Check whether your suggestions had become questions or pressure.
  • Return pacing control to the client.
• Trauma memories emerge.
  • IRF holds that shifts can occur without remembering what happened. [source: Trauma]
  • Keep company with the small one rather than exploring memory detail. Give long, quiet company; pushing or criticism makes small ones vanish. [source: TM]
  • Integrate with phase-based trauma care and do not use IRF alone for complex trauma without trauma training. Focusing Resources runs a separate trauma course for professionals. [synthesis; Trauma]
• A part that wants to die / suicidal communication.
  • McGavin's article "The 'Victim', the 'Critic', and the Inner Relationship: Focusing with the Part that Wants to Die" addresses this but is not drawn on [uncertain].
  • Clinically, keep the inner-relationship stance and also run a standard suicide risk assessment and safety plan, including lethal-means counselling (safe storage or removal). Do not leave risk to the inner process. [synthesis]
• Client feels no shift.
  • Receive what came, check whether the part feels a little more heard, and end gently.
  • Treat lack of shift as information (another part may be involved; consider 4.18 or 4.28). [synthesis]
• Self-touch or eye-closing feels unsafe.
  • Offer eyes open, attention only, and orienting to the room.
  • All IRF moves are invitations the client can decline. [synthesis]

Sources

Sources:

• Inner Relationship Focusing (Cornell & McGavin; Focusing Folio 21(1), 2008) — FR-IRF
• Relationship = Distance + Connection (Cornell, 1995) — RDC
• Treasure Maps to the Soul workshop handouts (McGavin & Cornell, Edenvale 2017; text truncated) — TM
• The Power of Focusing, Chapter 3 excerpt (Cornell, 1996) — PoF3
• Focusing and Inner Critics (Focusing Resources) — Critics
• More information about Focusing (Focusing Resources) — FR-Info
• Inner Relationship Focusing and Emotional Trauma (Focusing Resources) — Trauma
• Inner Relationship Focusing (Wikipedia) — Wiki (secondary)
• Focusing in Clinical Practice, publisher page (W. W. Norton) — Norton
• Bischkopf, review of Cornell, Die Kunst des Annehmens (PERSON journal) — Bischkopf (German; translated in own words)

Books cited (not drawn on, except as noted):

• Cornell, A. W. (1996). The Power of Focusing. New Harbinger. (Chapter 3 excerpt.)
• Cornell, A. W., & McGavin, B. (2002). The Focusing Student's and Companion's Manual, Part One. Calluna Press.
• Cornell, A. W., with McGavin, B. (2005). The Radical Acceptance of Everything: Living a Focusing Life. Calluna Press.
• Cornell, A. W. (2013). Focusing in Clinical Practice: The Essence of Change. W. W. Norton.
• Cornell, A. W., with McGavin, B. (2013). Die Kunst des Annehmens: Leben und Arbeiten mit Focusing. Books on Demand.
• Gendlin, E. T. (1978). Focusing. Bantam.