Voice dialogue

1. Introduction

Version followed: Hal Stone and Sidra Stone's Voice Dialogue within their Psychology of Selves and Aware Ego Process, as set out in their 1994 four-article series for Psychotherapy in Australia (the 10-step method), their "Basic Elements" summary (Albion, 2007), and facilitation notes from their training community (M.-L. Wolff; J. Pangaia; Elich & Stamboliev 2013). Embracing Our Selves: The Voice Dialogue Manual (1989) was seen only as a publisher excerpt of its Dutch edition, which does not include the method chapter [uncertain].

Voice Dialogue is a method more than a stand-alone therapy. The Stones developed it from 1972 out of their own relationship, not in a clinic, and present it as compatible with most psychological systems. Its theory, the Psychology of Selves, holds that personality is a set of "selves" (subpersonalities, energy patterns). Primary selves run daily life and protect a vulnerable core, the "Inner Child" or vulnerable child. Disowned selves are their opposites, pushed out of awareness while growing up. The Stones also describe an Operating Ego, meaning the cluster of primary selves that runs life without the person noticing. Change happens through separation rather than through fixing parts. The facilitator talks directly with each self while the client sits in a separate physical spot. The client then returns to a central position and stands in a witnessing "Awareness" position. Repeating this helps the client separate from primary selves and take back the disowned ones. Out of this an Aware Ego Process forms: an evolving centre that can feel opposite selves at once and choose between them. The stated aim is to widen choice. The aim is not to remove, reform or mature any self. [source: Stone & Stone 1994 "Voice Dialogue"; Stone & Stone, Basic Elements; Dutch excerpt of Embracing Our Selves]

2. Framework

There is no fixed number of sessions or phase manual in the sources used. Below are (a) the structure of a single session, which the Stones describe as 10 steps, and (b) the course of work over time, which is ordered by the sources but not given as numbered phases. [source: Stone & Stone 1994; Wolff]

Format. Individual sessions run at least 1.5 hours where possible, so that selves can come forward fully and there is time to re-centre. Couples sessions are conjoint, with one partner facilitated while the other watches. Group format means 3–12 people over 2.5–3 hours (Pangaia). Recording sessions for the client to replay is recommended. There is no stated session count, and the work is open-ended [uncertain]. [source: Stone & Stone 1994; Stone & Stone 1994 "Dance of Selves"; Pangaia]

(a) Single-session structure (Stones' 10 steps, paraphrased)

Facilitator relaxes and centres, and quiets their own pushing or critical selves.
Map the psyche: likely primary selves, their disowned opposites, and the vulnerable child being protected.
Introduce the idea of selves and check that the client can think this way.
Separate physically: the original chair becomes the Aware Ego position, and each self gets its own spot.
Facilitate: interview the self as a real person.
Start with primary selves.
Track energy shifts, such as a new self taking over or contact being lost.
Manage the altered state: no interruptions, and never leave the client in a self.
Summarise for awareness, with the client standing beside the facilitator and looking at the positions.
Return to the centre chair and allow at least 10 minutes of discussion and integration. [source: Stone & Stone 1994]

Wolff's training version of one session runs: centre → primary self → centre (gifts and limits) → opposite self → centre → Awareness position (standing) → optional energy-dialling exercise → closing "conscious linkage". [source: Wolff]

(b) Course of work over time (ordering from sources; phase labels are [synthesis])

Orientation and mapping. Goal: a working psychic map and a client who can think in selves. Move on when the client responds to "a part of you that…" framing. If they cannot, they are not a good candidate. [source: Stone & Stone 1994]
Primary selves. Goal: separation from the primary selves. Begin with the Protector/Controller, which the Stones still recommend as a starting point for new facilitators, then the Pusher, the Critic, and so on. Move on when the client feels a clear energetic difference between the self and the centre (Wolff: if there is no difference, Voice Dialogue may not suit them) and the primary self has agreed to its opposite being met. [source: Stone & Stone 1994; Basic Elements; Wolff]
Disowned selves and vulnerability. Goal: experience and reclaim disowned energies "responsibly", meaning gaining access to them without becoming them, and reconnect with vulnerability. Disowned selves are explored "only in later sessions", and the opposite primary self is checked again afterwards. [source: Stone & Stone 1994; Dance of Selves]
Aware Ego Process. Goal: holding pairs of opposites one pair at a time. The Stones stress this is a process, not a stable state, and that it is re-established with each new pair. [source: Basic Elements; Wolff]
Relationship, dreams and energetics (as indicated). Bonding-pattern mapping, conjoint sessions, dream and daydream work, and teaching about linkage. [source: Dance of Selves; Basic Elements; Stones' dreams page]

3. Guiding principles

Acceptance and respect for every self. Selves withdraw if they feel judged or manipulated, so meet each one with curiosity, as you would a real person. [source: Stone & Stone 1994]
No agenda for change. Do not try to remove, reform or "grow up" a self. Change may follow, but it cannot be the goal. [source: Stone & Stone 1994]
No negotiation between selves. Clarify each self's view and do not broker agreement. The client learns to hold the tension. [source: Stone & Stone 1994]
Aim = more choice. Success means the client chooses where they used to react automatically, not that symptoms have been removed. [source: Stone & Stone 1994]
Primary selves first. Honour them as protectors and allies, and separate from them before visiting their opposites. Otherwise the primary self takes control again after the session. [source: Stone & Stone 1994; Basic Elements]
Work with opposites. Work between pairs of selves rather than with one self alone, and check back with the primary self after a disowned self has spoken. [source: Basic Elements; Stone & Stone 1994]
"We go only where the door is already open." Follow the selves that are available and do not force access. [source: Basic Elements]
Judgments are teachers. Whatever the client judges in others points to one of their own disowned selves. [source: Basic Elements; Dance of Selves]
Vulnerability is the core. Every primary self protects vulnerability, and disowned vulnerability triggers negative bonding patterns. [source: Dance of Selves; Basic Elements]
Certainty is a warning sign. Feeling certain or judgmental usually means a primary self is running things, not the Aware Ego. This applies to the facilitator too. [source: Basic Elements]
Awareness is not enough. Witnessing without experiencing isolates the client, and experiencing without awareness keeps them reactive. The Aware Ego needs both. [source: Basic Elements]
Energetic presence. Sense and hold each self's energy, and notice linkage, the felt connection between you and the client. [source: Basic Elements; energetics FAQ]
Protect the altered state. A client speaking as a self has no protecting ego present. Never leave them in it, and always end in the centre. [source: Stone & Stone 1994]
Stay within comfort. Never push beyond your own comfort or the client's. Choose selves that neither of you finds challenging while you are learning. [source: Stone & Stone 1994; Wolff]
The facilitator is not responsible for resolving the conflict. Do not advise behaviour. The Aware Ego decides. [source: Wolff]
Facilitator self-work and bonding awareness. Keep receiving facilitation yourself, and own your side of any facilitator–client bonding pattern. The Stones reframe transference this way. [source: IVDA Guidelines; Basic Elements]

4. Intervention inventory

Interventions 4.1–4.14 make up the core individual session, in the Stones' order. Interventions 4.15 onwards are specific applications. Example language is my own (illustrative) unless it is quoted and cited. [source: Stone & Stone 1994; Wolff; others as tagged]

4.1 Facilitator centring

Purpose / when: At the start of every session, and again whenever you notice your own Pusher, Critic or need to perform. [source: Stone & Stone 1994]
Steps: (1) Sit quietly before the client arrives or as they settle. (2) Notice and set aside your urge to get somewhere or to judge. (3) Settle into relaxed, alert attention on the client. (4) Keep watching physiological, emotional and linguistic cues throughout the session.
Example language: none. This is internal.
Watch for: You are steering towards an outcome, or the work feels tedious or heavy. The Stones read either one as a sign that you are pushing or that a protective self has taken over. [source: Stone & Stone 1994]

4.2 Mapping the psyche ("psychic map")

Purpose / when: Assessment, done first and revised throughout. It identifies primary selves, their disowned opposites and the vulnerable child being protected. [source: Stone & Stone 1994]
Steps: (1) Ask the client about the issue that troubles them. (2) Listen for the client's values and habitual phrases (for example "I'm always in a rush" suggests a Pusher). (3) Listen for criticisms of other people, which point to disowned selves (calling someone a tyrant may mean the client has disowned their own power). (4) Work out which vulnerability the primaries guard. (5) Keep the map in your head or sketch it, and treat it as provisional.
Example language (illustrative): "When that colleague drives you mad, what exactly about them gets to you?"
Watch for: Hardening the map into a diagnosis. Revise it whenever a self tells you something new.

4.3 Introducing the idea of selves

Purpose / when: Before any chair work, to test whether the client can think in terms of selves (this is a suitability check). [source: Stone & Stone 1994]
Steps: (1) Name a piece of the client's experience as "a part of you that…", in their own words. (2) Or recast an inner conflict as two selves. (3) Watch how they respond. (4) If they take it up, suggest talking with that part directly.
Example language (illustrative): "It sounds like there's a part of you that has to get everything done, and another part that just wants to lie on the beach. Would you be curious to hear from the first one directly?"
Watch for: Puzzlement or rejection that persists. Wolff adds that if the client feels no difference between a self and the centre, the method may not suit them. [source: Wolff]

4.4 Contracting with the primary self

Purpose / when: At the start of work on a pair of opposites, to respect the primary self's role as gatekeeper. [source: Wolff; Basic Elements on the Protector/Controller as gatekeeper]
Steps: (1) Facilitate the primary self, often the Protector/Controller, first. (2) Ask whether it objects to the facilitator meeting its opposite. (3) Agree its conditions, such as a time limit or which topics are off limits. (4) Keep to those conditions. The primary self stays in charge of limits until it sees the client can handle the opposite with discretion.
Example language (illustrative): "Before we hear from the part of her that wants to rest, is there anything you need from me to be OK with that? A time limit? Something you want me not to go into?"
Watch for: The primary self muting the opposite or closing the session. Respect this and do not override it. [source: Wolff]

4.5 Physical separation and positioning

Purpose / when: Every time a self is facilitated. Physical space makes the separation concrete. [source: Stone & Stone 1994]
Steps: (1) The client's original chair is the centre, or Aware Ego position. (2) Ask where the self would like to be, and have the client move there: another chair, the couch, the floor, standing. (3) Notice typical placements. The Stones observe the Protector/Controller often sitting between facilitator and centre, the vulnerable child in a corner or curled on a couch, the Critic standing and surveying the room, and angry selves pacing. (4) Use the same spot for that self in later sessions. (5) Keep a separate standing spot for Awareness (4.13). [source: Stone & Stone 1994; Wolff]
Example language (illustrative): "Where does this part of you want to be? Take your time. Move until it feels right for it."
Watch for: The client staying in the centre chair and talking about the self instead of as the self.

4.6 Interviewing (facilitating) a self

Purpose / when: The heart of the method. It gives the self a voice and makes it distinct from the client. [source: Stone & Stone 1994; Wolff]
Steps: (1) Speak to the self as a separate person, using normal clinical interviewing with curiosity and empathy. (2) Cover its function (what it does for the client), its history (when it arrived and what made it strong), its rules for the client's current life, its view of other selves and of the client, its energy (have the client notice intensity, breadth, movement, location and vitality in the body), and its gifts, which Wolff calls its "specific intelligence". (3) Keep segments focused. In groups, Pangaia advises short segments on how the self operates and its core beliefs rather than long life stories. (4) Before leaving, ask if it has anything else to say, thank it, and disconnect respectfully. [source: Wolff; Pangaia]
Example language (illustrative): "How long have you been around in her life?" "What would happen to her if you weren't here?" (Pangaia lists this question.) "What do you most want me to understand about your job?"
Watch for: Selves are usually eager to talk. Flat or rehearsed answers usually mean you have contacted a different, protective self.

4.7 Pronoun discipline

Purpose / when: Throughout. It keeps the self and the centre distinct. [source: Wolff]
Steps: (1) In the centre, the client says "I". (2) As a self, the self says "I" and refers to the client by name. (3) If a self claims actions it could not do alone (for example "I left my marriage"), reframe it and check which self, or the client from the centre, actually chose.
Example language (illustrative): "So you were the one urging her to leave. Who actually made the decision?"
Watch for: The client slipping into "we" or "I" in the wrong position. That is a sign separation is blurring.

4.8 Managing intruding energy

Purpose / when: When a different self cuts in during a segment. [source: Wolff; Stone & Stone 1994 step 7]
Steps: (1) Notice the energy change (tone, posture, wording). (2) Name it and describe what you sense. (3) Ask the new self to wait, and set it aside. (4) Finish with the original self. (5) Later, from the centre, decide whether to facilitate the intruder in its own spot.
Example language (illustrative): "I'm sensing a different energy, sharper, maybe a critic. I'd like to hear from you properly in a while. Could you step back for now?"
Watch for: Several selves blending in one chair. That muddies the separation.

4.9 Working with primary selves first

Purpose / when: In early sessions and at the start of each new pair. Separating from primary selves is described as the essential goal. [source: Stone & Stone 1994]
Steps: (1) Pick a pair of opposites from a current stress, a dream or a hard relationship (Wolff). (2) Facilitate the primary self fully (4.6). (3) Return to the centre. (4) Only in later sessions, once the primary is understood, go to its disowned opposite. (5) After a disowned self has spoken, check back with its opposite primary self.
Common primaries named in the sources: Protector/Controller, Pusher, Inner Critic, Responsible Father/Mother, rational self, mothering self, Pleaser (as "Guilty, Pleasing Daughter"), Spiritual Pusher. [source: Basic Elements; Dance of Selves; Dutch excerpt]
Example language (illustrative): "You've been running her schedule since she was eight. Tell me how you do it."
Watch for: After the session, the primary self reclaiming control and the client dismissing the work. That indicates more separation is needed.

4.10 Facilitating a disowned self

Purpose / when: After the related primary has been separated and has given permission. It lets the client experience the missing energy. [source: Stone & Stone 1994; Wolff]
Steps: (1) Ask the primary self's permission (4.4). (2) Move the client to the disowned self's spot. (3) Interview it the same way as in 4.6, and reflect its energy back to it. (4) If it doubts its own worth or says it can only appear in special conditions, point out that it is present in the room now. (5) Return to the centre and explore a new relationship with this energy in daily life. (6) Check back with the primary self.
Example language (illustrative): "You say you only come out on holiday, but you're here now, in this room. What's that like?"
Watch for: Unrestrained identification with the disowned self, which simply swaps one identification for another. The aim is to embrace what it offers without becoming it. [source: Dance of Selves]

4.11 Facilitating the vulnerable child (Inner Child)

Purpose / when: When the protective structure allows. The child is described as the key to intimacy. [source: Dance of Selves; Basic Elements]
Steps: (1) Get the Protector/Controller's or relevant primary self's agreement first. (2) Let the child choose its spot, often a corner or curled on the couch. (3) Slow down, soften your voice and match the child's energy. The Stones note its energy field is strikingly large, like being with a real child. (4) Ask about its feelings and needs rather than adult explanations. (5) Return to a primary self to anchor, then to the centre, and explore how the client, from the Aware Ego, can take care of this child. Elich & Stamboliev add that vulnerability can also be reached by repeatedly asking a primary self why it protects. [source: Stone & Stone 1994; energetics FAQ; Elich & Stamboliev]
Example language (illustrative): "You can stay right there. I'm just glad to meet you. What's it like for you when she's rushing all day?"
Watch for: In couples work, the observing partner feeling responsible for the child. Make clear the child is no one else's responsibility. Watch for overwhelm and see section 5. [source: Dance of Selves]

4.12 Tracking energy and holding the self's energy

Purpose / when: Continuously. It lets you tell which self is present, when contact has been lost, and when to end a segment. [source: Stone & Stone 1994; Basic Elements]
Steps: (1) Notice shifts in posture, voice, breathing, eye contact and felt sense. (2) Let your own energy resonate with the self's. The Stones call this energetic induction, like a tuning fork, and speak of facilitators sensing and holding energy. (3) When energy fades or changes, decide whether to continue, set an intruder aside (4.8) or close the segment.
Example language (illustrative): "I notice the energy has dropped. Is there anything more you want to say before we let you rest?"
Watch for: The sources used describe this skill but give no step-by-step training. The Stones point to Partnering (chapter "The Magic of Linkage") and The Aware Ego for details [uncertain].

4.13 Return to centre: gifts and limitations

Purpose / when: After every self. It anchors the Aware Ego position. [source: Wolff]
Steps: (1) Move the client back to the centre chair and pause. (2) Ask how the centre feels compared with the self. (3) Ask what the self's gifts are, separating the gifts of its perspective or beliefs from the gifts of its energy. (4) Explore its limitations from the centre, because a self cannot see its own. (5) Discuss how to use the gift without being run by the self. Wolff's example is using a warrior's fearlessness without the urge to attack.
Example language (illustrative): "Sitting back here now, what do you notice? What does that part bring you that you'd want to keep?"
Watch for: No felt difference between the centre and the self (see 4.3).

4.14 Awareness position and closing

Purpose / when: At the end of a session. It builds a non-judgmental witness of the selves and then integrates the work. [source: Stone & Stone 1994; Wolff]
Steps: (1) Ask the client to stand beside you, facing the positions the selves took. (2) Review objectively and without judgment each self's role, history, energy and interactions, and the client's experience in the centre. (3) Allow silence. Wolff stresses giving the client time in silence before returning to the centre. (4) If anchoring is needed, briefly return to a primary self. (5) Return to the centre chair. Allow at least 10 minutes to discuss, help the client separate from the selves that spoke, and invite their reactions. (6) After intense sessions, recommend extra time to walk, eat or rest before driving or going back to work. (7) Optionally give the client the recording. [source: Stone & Stone 1994; Wolff]
Example language (illustrative): "Let's stand over here and look. There's the part that keeps everything in order, and over there the part that wants to be free. Just notice them, no need to change anything."
Watch for: The client judging the selves while in the Awareness position. That is a primary self speaking, so gently name it.

4.15 Energy-dialling exercise ("energetic mastery")

Purpose / when: After both members of a pair have been facilitated. It gives the client practice in using a self's energy at a chosen intensity while staying aware. This is Wolff's training exercise, not described in the Stones' 1994 articles. [source: Wolff]
Steps: (1) From the centre, invite a small amount of the first self's energy, with no other self involved. (2) Turn it up to about half. Wolff notes that here the self starts to feel like it holds the whole truth, but negotiation is still possible. (3) Picture an upcoming real situation and invite the self in at about 80%, where the client still knows it is a self. (4) Afterwards, thank the self and separate from it. (5) Repeat with the opposite self, so the client experiences sitting between the two. (6) Note linkage at each level: at higher intensities the client sees you increasingly through the self's eyes, while some connection remains.
Example language (illustrative): "Let just a little of the warrior's energy come in, maybe 10%. Now let it grow to about half. What happens to how you see me?"
Watch for: Losing awareness altogether at high levels. Turn it down and return to the centre.

4.16 Closing with conscious linkage

Purpose / when: At the very end of a session. It contrasts the quality of contact now with the start. [source: Wolff; Basic Elements]
Steps: (1) Sitting face to face from the centre, give a few minutes to feel the connection between you. (2) Point out its fullness, the absence of judgment, and the sense of presence. (3) Compare it with how contact felt at the start of the session.
Example language (illustrative): "Just take a moment with me here. Notice how it feels to be in contact now, compared with when you walked in."
Watch for: Wolff stresses the Aware Ego Process "is not a steady state", so do not present this as an achievement to hold on to.

4.17 Inner Critic work (Stones' three stages)

Purpose / when: When self-attack, shame or contradictory self-criticism dominates. The critic originally protected the child from shame and pain, but it "does not know when enough is enough". [source: Stone & Stone 1994 "The Inner Critic"]
Steps: (1) Make it visible. Facilitate the critic directly in its own spot (often standing) and ask what is wrong with the client. Collect the range of criticisms and notice contradictions: it attacks both an action and its opposite. (2) Find the anxiety beneath. Ask what would happen if the client did or did not comply, and shift from content to fear. In the Stones' example the fear was being alone and unloved. (3) Move beyond duality. Separate the client from the primary selves the critic enforces, then develop the disowned opposites to balance them. (4) As the client gains choices, the critic's anxiety eases and it can become objective and supportive, offering focus, discernment and discipline.
Recognition cues for critic attacks: criticism of appearance, feelings, intellect, relationship skills or spiritual practice; attacking both an action and its opposite; quiet doubts about compliments or love; agreeing with other people's judgments; attacks on new behaviour learned in therapy; setting up parent/child patterns with others. The outward-facing "Judge" criticises other people. [source: Stone & Stone 1994 "The Inner Critic"]
Example language (illustrative): "What's wrong with her today? … And if she stopped doing what you say, what are you afraid would happen?"
Watch for: Attempts to destroy or argue with the critic. The Stones say this strengthens it. Aim to understand its message.

4.18 Critic transformation protocol (Elich & Stamboliev)

Purpose / when: A stepwise version of 4.17 from second-generation trainers. Use it when the critic enforces specific rules. [source: Elich & Stamboliev 2013]
Steps: (1) Separate. Check how meeting the critic feels from a separate ego position. If the critic takes over, first build grounding and body solidity, and visualise it or its chair further away. (2) Map its domains of life. (3) Choose one rule, the most troublesome, and "stretch" it to reach the primary self it switches on. Interview that primary self without trying to solve anything. (4) Find the fear. Keep talking with the primary self until its energy fades. Ask why it protects, and vulnerability usually appears. (5) Care for the fear from the Aware Ego. Back in the centre, attend to that fear the way a parent attends to a child. This makes the critic more willing to loosen the rule. (6) Identify the polarity. Name the disowned opposite (in their case, Enjoyment) and let it emerge gradually, often in a later session.
Example language: questions the authors used include "What are you aiming at?" and "How do you define quality?" [source: Elich & Stamboliev 2013]
Watch for: Separation that stays very hard. They suggest a "Killer Critic" linked to trauma or abuse, which may need intensive psychotherapy first.

4.19 Using judgments to find disowned selves

Purpose / when: Mapping, couples work, and whenever the client is strongly judgmental. Disowned selves return like "heat-seeking missiles" through the people we react to. [source: Dance of Selves; Basic Elements]
Steps: (1) Gather the client's strongest judgments of a partner, colleague or group. (2) Turn each one into a quality, for example "irresponsible" becomes freedom or spontaneity. (3) Treat it as a candidate disowned self and add it to the map. (4) Facilitate it later (4.10), after its primary opposite.
Example language (illustrative): "Let's take 'lazy' seriously for a moment. If there were a part of you that was allowed to be like that, what would it be like?"
Watch for: The client hearing this as blame. Frame it as information, not as an accusation.

4.20 Bonding-pattern mapping

Purpose / when: Relationship difficulties (couples, family, work), and facilitator–client dynamics. Bonding patterns are automatic parent/child exchanges between selves. They are natural, not pathological, and take two to "dance". [source: Dance of Selves; Basic Elements]
Steps: (1) Present the no-fault framework early, because it lowers defensiveness. (2) Map the form: which parent-self is linked to which child-self on each side, for example a Responsible Father with a Compliant Daughter. In negative patterns there are usually two linked pairs. (3) Find the trigger: the Stones state disowned vulnerability is always what flips a positive pattern into a negative one. (4) Identify the disowned selves each partner judges in the other (4.19). (5) Share the map, which gives objective awareness even before the Aware Ego is available.
Positive vs negative: Positive patterns are comfortable but stereotyped and limit choice, and both partners ignore discontent. Negative patterns are painful, with betrayal, judgment and hopelessness, and often lead to thoughts of leaving.
Example language (illustrative): "When he went quiet and judgmental, which part of you came in? And what did that part do to him?"
Watch for: Partners using the map to label each other. Keep the focus on each person's own selves and vulnerability.

4.21 Conjoint couple facilitation

Purpose / when: After mapping a bonding pattern. Each partner sees the other's selves directly. [source: Dance of Selves]
Steps: (1) With both present, facilitate one partner's primary self, for example the Responsible Father, while the other watches how it developed to protect vulnerability. (2) Return that partner to the centre. (3) Move on to the disowned selves each one carries. (4) When ready, facilitate the Inner Child in the joint session. (5) Debrief both partners from their centres. (6) Optionally suggest reading Embracing Each Other or the audio Making Relationships Work for You beforehand.
Example language (illustrative, to the observer): "You don't need to do anything with what you're hearing. Just notice this part of him."
Watch for: The observer stepping in to rescue the child or arguing with a self. Re-state that the child is not the partner's responsibility.

4.22 Teaching energetics and linkage in relationship

Purpose / when: Relationship work where contact feels cold, invasive or absent. It teaches personal (warm, connected) versus impersonal (cool, bounded) energy, and conscious versus unconscious linkage. [source: Basic Elements; energetics FAQ; Dance of Selves]
Steps (as far as the sources specify): (1) Help each partner notice whether they are expanded or contracted, personal or impersonal, linked or cut off. (2) Help each separate from the energy they over-identify with and access the energy their partner carries. (3) Practise linking and releasing, and turning particular selves up or down (see 4.15). The Stones reserve this for therapists trained in relationship energetics.
Example language (illustrative): "Notice right now: are you reaching toward her, or have you pulled back behind a wall?"
Watch for: The sources used describe goals, not detailed exercises [uncertain].

4.23 Partnering "business meetings"

Purpose / when: Ongoing couple maintenance. Partners decide consciously, because "default" otherwise decides for them. [source: Basic Elements]
Steps (procedure partly [synthesis]): (1) Set a regular time. (2) Each partner brings decisions and any patterns they have noticed. (3) Decide jointly from the Aware Ego, naming the selves that pull in each direction. (4) Note which disowned selves each partner is carrying for the other.
Example language (illustrative): "Before we decide about the holiday, my Pusher wants to work through it, and my other side wants to go nowhere."
Watch for: The meeting becoming one partner's Controller running the other.

4.24 Dream and daydream work

Purpose / when: To find which primary self is in charge and which selves are disowned, and to follow the unconscious's "organising intelligence". [source: Basic Elements; Stones' dreams page]
Steps: (1) Identify the dreamer (dream ego) as one of the client's primary selves. (2) Treat what chases or threatens the dreamer as linked to what is disowned. The page says pursuit is "essentially based on what you are disowning". (3) Note who is driving the car, whose car it is, and whether there are buried or hidden children (buried vulnerability) and fortresses (primary-self systems). (4) Take recurring dreams seriously. (5) Facilitate the dream figure or the self it points to (4.6 / 4.10). (6) Listen to daydreams for disowned selves. (7) For couples, partners share dreams and use them to spot bonding patterns.
Example language (illustrative): "In the dream, who were you? Which part of you does that feel like? And what was chasing you?"
Watch for: Dreams become clearer and more usable as the Aware Ego strengthens, according to the Stones. Avoid fixed dictionary-style interpretation, because meaning depends on which self is dreaming.

4.25 Group Voice Dialogue process (Pangaia)

Purpose / when: In training groups or experienced groups (3–12 people). Members embody one person's selves, which also helps them separate from their own. Experienced facilitators only. [source: Pangaia]
Steps: (1) A volunteer subject picks a topic, and everyone observes closely each self's words, position and tone. (2) Facilitate the subject's Protector briefly: what it guards against and how it protects (fight, flight, freeze or fake). (3) Return the subject to the centre, then re-interview the Protector through a volunteer standing in its spot. (4) Add a volunteer as the vulnerable self at the Protector's feet, within their own comfort level. (5) Add a silent Witness volunteer who stands throughout. (6) Facilitate the primary self briefly, separate the subject from it, then have volunteers embody that self and its vulnerable self while the subject watches. (7) Repeat for other selves. (8) Closing round: each volunteer says who they are and what they want the subject to know. (9) Volunteers shake off the roles by walking about, followed by a silent break. (10) Optionally rotate volunteers one position clockwise and recap. (11) Subject shares, then the group debriefs on taking on and letting go of the roles.
Example language (illustrative): "From over here, just watch. These are patterns we all share. Your story is yours."
Watch for: Participants unable to step in and out of energies. Know the group well and prioritise safety.

4.26 Session recording and reading

Purpose / when: Between sessions, to help the client recognise their selves and prepare for couples work. [source: Stone & Stone 1994; Dance of Selves]
Steps: (1) With consent, record the session. (2) Invite the client to replay it and notice each self's voice. (3) For couples, suggest the Stones' relationship book or audio as an introduction.
Watch for: A primary self using the recording to criticise or analyse. Suggest listening from the Awareness position.

Not covered: Body Dialogue (Judith Tamar Stone) extends the work to the voice of the body. Its procedures are not documented in the sources used [uncertain]. Miriam Dyak's Voice Dialogue Facilitator's Handbook was seen only as a publisher listing [uncertain].

5. Handling problems

From the sources

Client stuck in a self, or interrupted while in one. Return them physically to the centre chair before anything else, and do not leave the room or end while a self is present. Anchor with a primary self, then the centre. [source: Stone & Stone 1994; Wolff]
Work feels tedious, forced or heavy. Stop the segment. Either you are pushing, or a protective self has taken over. Go back to the centre and ask the Protector/Controller what it needs. [source: Stone & Stone 1994]
Primary self refuses, mutes the opposite or wants to stop. Respect it. Re-contract (4.4): ask its conditions and fears, and leave the opposite for another session. It keeps control of the limits until it trusts the client's discretion. [source: Wolff]
No felt difference between self and centre. Try a more vivid separation (different spot, posture, more time in the self). If there is still no difference, Voice Dialogue may not be the right method for this client. [source: Wolff; first sentence is [synthesis]]
Client cannot think in terms of selves. The Stones treat this as a suitability issue, so use another approach. [source: Stone & Stone 1994]
Critic floods the session or cannot be separated from. Ground first (body, space, solidity), put the critic's chair further away, and work on one rule at a time (4.18). If separation stays very hard, consider a trauma-linked "Killer Critic" and refer for or move to intensive trauma-focused psychotherapy. [source: Elich & Stamboliev 2013]
Intruding self mid-segment. Name it, set it aside, finish the current self, and facilitate the intruder later from the centre. [source: Wolff]
Either person feels uncomfortable. Stop, return to the centre, and talk about the dynamic. Never go beyond your own or the client's comfort level. [source: Wolff; Stone & Stone 1994]
Client or facilitator pushes to resolve the conflict. Do not negotiate between selves or advise. Clarify each view and leave the choice to the Aware Ego. [source: Stone & Stone 1994; Wolff]
Facilitator–client bonding pattern (a rupture or collusion). Name your part in it, for example your Good Father with their Compliant Daughter, or your withdrawn Judge with their Guilty Pleaser. Get supervision, and consider facilitating the selves involved. [source: IVDA Guidelines; Basic Elements; applying bonding theory to ruptures is partly [synthesis]]
Couple escalates into a negative bonding pattern in session. Stop the exchange. Map form, trigger and disowned selves out loud in no-fault terms. Return each partner to the centre and ask what vulnerability came up just before the flip. [source: Dance of Selves]
Partner rescues the facilitated Inner Child. Say clearly that the child is not the partner's responsibility, and coach the client to look after it from their Aware Ego. [source: Dance of Selves]
Group volunteer cannot step out of a role. Release roles by walking about and taking a break, return them to their own centre, and debrief whether the self was "theirs". Screen participants beforehand. [source: Pangaia]
Severe disturbance. IVDA guidelines tell facilitators to recognise signs of "psychosis, depression, personality disorders, etc.", to decline or refer, and to remember that Voice Dialogue is no substitute for medical care. [source: IVDA Guidelines]

Not addressed in the sources used [synthesis]

Overwhelm or flooding in the vulnerable child. Slow down, reduce intensity, as in the dialling of 4.15, and bring the client back to a stabilising primary self and then the centre: eyes open, feet on the floor, name the room. Use shorter segments next time and get the Protector's agreement before going back. Do not end the session until the client is oriented and calm.
Dissociation, dissociative disorders, complex trauma. The sources do not address these. Assess dissociation before chair work. With DID or OSDD, physically separating parts can intensify switching. Follow phase-oriented trauma treatment, prioritising stabilisation, and use Voice Dialogue only in a gentler form, if at all, under trauma-informed supervision. Grounding the Aware Ego position comes first.
Suicidality or a self that urges self-harm. Pause the Voice Dialogue frame and carry out a standard risk assessment and safety plan from the centre, with the client as themselves. Do not facilitate a self urging self-harm without first establishing safety, and keep lethal-means counselling to safe storage and removal. Afterwards a protector's message can be explored in the usual way.
Over-identification with a newly owned disowned self (sudden rage, acting out sexually, quitting a job). Bring back the related primary self and stress "embrace without becoming" (Dance of Selves): the Aware Ego decides how much of the energy to use. Practise the dialling exercise (4.15).
Non-adherence and between-session drift. The method sets no homework, so "adherence" means noticing selves day to day. Offer light tasks: replay recordings, notice when a primary self takes over, record judgments and dreams. If the client stops these, facilitate the self that objects, for example a Pusher that finds it pointless or a Rebel.
Intellectualising client (rational primary self running the session). Facilitate the rational mind as a self in its own right, and ask its permission to slow down. Do not argue with it.
Spiritual Pusher ("I should be beyond this"). Facilitate it as a primary self. The Stones name it as common among seekers [source: Basic Elements].
Sessions shorter than 1.5 hours (for example a 50-minute clinic slot). Work one self per session with full return to the centre, or do mapping and the Awareness position only. Protect at least 10 minutes for closing.
Medico-legal and consent issues. Explain the method in advance, including the physical movement and the altered-state quality. Get consent for recording, and advise against driving straight after intense sessions (based on the Stones' rest advice).

Sources

Sources

Further reading (not drawn on in full)

Stone, H. & Stone, S. (1989). Embracing Our Selves: The Voice Dialogue Manual. Nataraj/New World Library.
Stone, H. & Stone, S. (1989). Embracing Each Other: Relationship as Teacher, Healer and Guide. Nataraj.
Stone, H. & Stone, S. (1993). Embracing Your Inner Critic. HarperSanFrancisco.
Stone, H. & Stone, S. (2000). Partnering: A New Kind of Relationship. New World Library.
Stone, H. & Stone, S. (2007). The Aware Ego. [details uncertain]
Dyak, M. (n.d.). The Voice Dialogue Facilitator's Handbook, Part 1. [uncertain]

← Previous · III-107Internal Family Systems Next · III-111 →Inner-child work