Atlas›Domain V · Systemic, relational, group & community›Guide 123
Guide V-123

Recovering from Religion

Darrel Ray2009Kansas City, Kansas, USA
A 34 · L 53 · M 1315 interventions in the Trinity explorer
Client cardCompare
[source: …] where a claim comes from[uncertain] not confirmed in a primary source[synthesis] the writer's reconstruction

1. Introduction

Version followed: the services of Recovering from Religion (RfR) as the organisation publishes them on recoveringfromreligion.org, seculartherapy.org, meetings.recoveringfromreligion.org and resources.recoveringfromreligion.org, read October 2026. Older descriptions from 2015 press coverage are used only where the current pages say nothing, and are flagged as such.

What it is. RfR is not a therapy and not a manualised programme. It is a US non-profit (501(c)(3), based in Kansas City, Kansas), founded in 2009 by the psychologist Darrel Ray. It runs peer-support services for people who are doubting, changing or leaving religious belief, or who are dealing with the effects of religion on their lives. [source: Wikipedia, Recovering from Religion; RfR Projects page] Its current services are:

  • The Hotline Project. Free, volunteer-staffed peer support by phone (1-844-368-2848, styled "1-84-I-Doubt-It") and by text chat.
  • Support groups. Free local and online groups, led by trained volunteer facilitators and usually meeting monthly.
  • The Secular Therapy Project (STP). A screened directory that matches clients with licensed, secular therapists who use evidence-based treatment.
  • Other resources. A curated resource library, an online community, a blog (ExCommunications), a podcast and video talks (RfRx). [source: RfR Projects page; RfR Volunteer page; seculartherapy.org About; RfR Resources About]

A clinician does not deliver RfR. A clinician refers clients to it, works alongside it, or adapts its principles, and this guide is written for those three roles.

How change is thought to happen. RfR's pages state the following:

  • Support comes from peers who have "been where you are". [source: RfR Projects page]
  • Being with others who have had similar experiences helps people thrive after a change in belief. [source: RfR Support Groups page]
  • The helpline was built on active listening, not on counselling or argument. In the words of former Executive Director Sarah Morehead: "The relationship and the person matter more than the religion." [source: Tarico 2015 interview]

The concrete mechanisms are not spelled out in any RfR source used here. Read together, the sources point to these: less isolation, normalising doubt and grief, non-judgemental witnessing, practical next-step planning, and links to secular professional care. [synthesis]

2. Framework

RfR has no phases, session counts or progression criteria. It is a set of services that people can use in any order and as often as they like. [source: RfR Projects, Support Groups, Volunteer pages] The published structure of each service is below. After it comes a clinician pathway for using the services in treatment, which is my own synthesis.

2.1 Service structure as published

Helpline and chat

  • Who answers. Volunteer "Helpline Agents" give peer support by call or text chat. They use active listening, suggest resources and help the person plan next steps. They do not debate, try to de-convert anyone or give direct advice. [source: RfR Volunteer page]
  • Training. The current volunteer page describes full training "over 8-10 weeks". It covers active listening and responding to religious harm. [source: RfR Volunteer page] At launch in 2015, training was described as about 10 hours, covering software, process and simulated calls. Two psychologists vetted the programme, and calls were monitored and reviewed with feedback. [source: Tarico 2015] [uncertain: the 2015 figure is superseded; I follow the current page.]
  • Volunteer commitment. Agents commit to at least five client contacts a month. [source: RfR Volunteer page]
  • Hours. The 2015 hours were weekday evenings plus 24-hour weekends, with plans for 24/7 cover. [source: Tarico 2015] Wikipedia describes the line as 24/7. [source: Wikipedia] The current RfR pages say only that "The Hotline is open!" [uncertain: check current hours before telling a client the line is staffed at a given time.]
  • Volume. In 2021 RfR reported 300–500 contacts a month and 275 volunteers across 16 time zones. [source: Wikipedia]

Support groups

  • Format. Groups are local and meet monthly. They are free, and donations are optional; RfR says no one is ever expected to pay. Anyone "exploring a life outside of religious belief" is welcome. Groups are led by trained facilitators. [source: RfR Support Groups page]
  • Logistics. Leaders run in-person or virtual meetings and are given Meetup pages and Zoom accounts. A leader's monthly commitment is about 4–6 hours: a 2-hour meeting plus preparation, debrief and coordination. [source: RfR Volunteer page]
  • Directory. The meetings directory (meetings.recoveringfromreligion.org) lists individual meetings with these details:
    • schedule, shown in the viewer's own time zone
    • facilitator first name and a contact form
    • language and focus
    • house rules
    • an anonymous feedback form
  • Example meeting. One listing is an online women's meeting held once a month. Its rules state an age minimum of 16, no proselytising, protecting confidentiality, and not sharing identifying details such as your full name. It also states that you do not need to be an atheist to attend. [source: RfR meeting #1001 page]
  • Group size. In 2012 RfR had over 100 local chapters, each typically with 10–12 participants. [source: Wikipedia] [uncertain: current figures not found.]

Secular Therapy Project

  • Screening. Before listing a therapist, the STP checks three things:
    1. the therapist is appropriately licensed in their state or country;
    2. the therapist is secular in nature and in practice;
    3. the therapist uses evidence-based treatments. [source: seculartherapy.org About; Teachout, The Humanist]
  • Client sign-up. Clients register with very little information. Their confidentiality is protected until they choose a therapist to contact. [source: seculartherapy.org About]
  • Scale. As of early 2024 the STP reported over 30,000 clients and about 800 therapists across several countries. [source: seculartherapy.org About]
  • Not drawn on here. The detailed screening steps, cost, telehealth options and the therapist registration form are [uncertain].

Credentials and fidelity

  • No clinician licence or certification is needed to refer clients to RfR.
  • To run an RfR group or staff the helpline under RfR's name, you must be a volunteer:
    • aged 18 or over
    • trained as above
    • bound by the Volunteer Policy Manual and the General Rules of Conduct, which cover neutrality, confidentiality, no proselytising and sobriety while volunteering
    • encouraged to serve one year at a time, plus about 8 hours a year of continuing education [source: RfR Volunteer page]
  • A small New Zealand group shows the same rule in practice: its volunteer facilitators had to complete RfR's training module before leading. [source: Rationalist House NZ notice]
  • To be listed on the STP, a therapist must pass its screening on the three criteria. [source: seculartherapy.org About]

2.2 Clinician pathway for using RfR alongside therapy [synthesis]

  1. Assess fit (session 1–2). Find out where the client stands on belief, how safe they are, and how much they need peer contact. See 4.1.
  2. Prepare and refer (1 session). Choose the service (helpline, group, online community, resource library, or the STP if they need a different therapist), rehearse what to expect, and plan for privacy. Move on when the client has made one contact or set a date to attend.
  3. Use it alongside therapy (ongoing). Debrief group or helpline contacts in session, and bring the published group themes into therapy work (4.4, 4.11). Review every 4–6 sessions. Is peer contact reducing isolation and shame? Is it adding distress or conflict?
  4. Consolidate or taper (closing sessions). Plan for continued group attendance or volunteering, wider non-religious community, or stopping. Move on when the client has a stable support network that does not depend on therapy.

3. Guiding principles

Published by RfR:

  • No debate and no de-converting. Agents and facilitators do not argue about religion or try to move anyone away from belief. In practice: never use the referral, or the session, to win an argument about God. [source: RfR Volunteer page; Wikipedia, ambassador programme]
  • Neutrality about belief. Callers are not steered toward belief or away from it. Morehead: "If the person has a belief in God we don't question or challenge that." [source: Tarico 2015; RfR Volunteer page] In practice: the client decides where they end up, whether that is reform, a different faith or non-belief.
  • You do not have to be an atheist. Meetings are open to anyone who is questioning, changing or leaving belief. [source: RfR meeting #1001] In practice: tell a believing but doubting client that they are welcome.
  • No preaching or proselytising, no being told to "pray harder", no endorsing supernatural practices such as faith healing. [source: RfR Support Groups page] In practice: the group is a safe space from religious pressure. Expect clients to find that a relief, and possibly a jolt.
  • Peer support, not counselling. "Our volunteers don't provide counseling; it's really active listening." (Morehead) [source: Tarico 2015] In practice: clinical assessment, diagnosis and trauma treatment stay with you.
  • The person comes before the religion. [source: Tarico 2015] In practice: the client's relationships, safety and wellbeing matter more than settling questions of doctrine.
  • Confidentiality and anonymity. The volunteer conduct rules say of confidentiality: "There are no exceptions." Meetings ask attendees not to share identifying details such as full names. [source: RfR Volunteer page; meeting #1001] In practice: reassure clients who fear being exposed to their family or congregation, but help them choose what to disclose anyway.
  • Free and low-barrier. Groups are free, and there are no paid staff on the helpline. [source: RfR Support Groups page; Tarico 2015] In practice: cost is not a reason not to refer.
  • Action planning. Agents help the person plan next steps. [source: RfR Volunteer page; Tarico 2015] In practice: end each peer contact, and each therapy session on this topic, with one concrete step.
  • Referral beyond peer support. People in active crisis are connected to crisis-trained lines; people with practical needs are linked to local social services. [source: Tarico 2015] In practice: RfR is not an emergency service, and the clinician keeps the safety plan.
  • Secular, evidence-based professional care. The STP lists only licensed therapists who are secular in practice and use evidence-based treatment. [source: seculartherapy.org About] In practice: do not bring religious or supernatural interventions into therapy for these clients unless the client asks for them.
  • Inclusivity, patience, honesty and professionalism, as in the volunteer conduct rules. [source: RfR Volunteer page]

Clinician principles my own [synthesis]:

  • Neutrality applies to secular therapists too. Clients have described therapists who told them to pray for discernment or dismissed their identity. [source: Teachout, The Humanist] The mirror-image error is cheering on de-conversion. In practice: keep your own worldview out of the client's decisions.
  • Respect the losses. Leaving religion often means losing community, family closeness, identity and meaning, as well as escaping harm. In practice: make room for grief as well as relief.

4. Intervention inventory

RfR publishes services, not clinical techniques. Each entry below either describes an RfR service, with the clinician's procedure for using it, or adapts an RfR practice for use in therapy. Service facts carry [source]. Clinician procedures that RfR does not publish are marked [synthesis]. All example wording is mine and is labelled (illustrative).

4.1 Assessing fit for RfR services [synthesis]

  • Purpose / when. Use at intake or as soon as religious doubt, departure or religious harm comes up. It tells you whether RfR peer services suit the client and which one to start with.
  • Steps.
    1. Locate the client on belief. Ask where they are now and where they were, in their own words. Do not assume they are heading for atheism. RfR itself welcomes believers who are doubting. [source: meeting #1001]
    2. Map what is at stake. Ask about:
      • family
      • marriage
      • custody
      • housing
      • employment
      • community
      • sexuality and gender identity
      • fear of punishment or hell
      • shunning
      The helpline has reported callers facing threats to remove their children, teenagers thrown out by religious parents, and severe isolation. [source: Tarico 2015]
    3. Screen for risk. Ask about suicidality, domestic violence and coercive control, following your standard risk protocol. These are reasons to strengthen clinical and crisis support, not reasons against peer contact.
    4. Gauge readiness for peer contact. Do they want to be with others in the same position? Are they afraid of being recognised? Would they prefer anonymous text chat?
    5. Match:
      • wants to talk, isolated, not ready for a group → helpline or chat
      • wants ongoing belonging → a monthly group, or an online meeting for anonymity or distance
      • wants information → the resource library
      • needs a different, secular therapist (for example, because you cannot offer evidence-based treatment for their problem, or they need someone local) → the STP
    6. Check age. The example meeting is for ages 16 and over, and volunteers must be 18 or over. [source: meeting #1001; Volunteer page] For a minor, you need parental-consent and safeguarding thinking first (see 5.10).
  • Example language (illustrative). "Some people at this stage find it helps to talk with others who have been through it. There's a free peer line and monthly groups, some online, where nobody argues with you about belief either way. Would something like that fit, or does it feel too soon?"
  • Watch for. Clients who want the referral to prove they are "really" leaving, and clients who feel pressured by you to leave. Both are signs to slow down and restate that the outcome is theirs.

4.2 Referral to the Hotline Project (phone and chat)

  • Purpose / when. Between-session peer support for isolation, doubt, conflict with religious family, or the urge to talk to someone who "gets it". Useful at night or weekends when clinical services are closed, as long as there is no imminent risk.
  • What the service does. Agents listen actively, offer resources and help plan next steps. They do not debate, de-convert or give direct advice. [source: Volunteer page] In 2015 RfR said agents in a crisis keep the caller on the line and connect them to a crisis-trained hotline, and refer callers to local social services for urgent needs such as housing. [source: Tarico 2015] [uncertain: current crisis procedure not published.] Contact: 1-844-368-2848 or chat via the website. [source: RfR Projects page]
  • Steps [synthesis].
    1. Give the number and the chat option in writing, and help the client save it under a neutral contact name if a partner or family member checks their phone.
    2. Explain that the line is for peer listening, not therapy or emergencies.
    3. Write the separate crisis plan alongside it, with your local emergency number and your country's crisis line.
    4. Agree what to bring back to session: one thing that helped and one thing that did not.
    5. Check that the hours suit the client's time zone, since hours are not stated on current pages.
  • Example language (illustrative). "If it's 2 a.m. and you're stuck in the loop of 'what if I'm wrong and I'm damned', this is a place to say that to someone who has been there. If you ever feel unsafe, use the crisis number on your plan first."
  • Watch for / working when. The client reports feeling less alone, makes one concrete plan after a call, or has fewer between-session crises. Ask whether any agent pushed a view. That would breach RfR's own rules, and the client can send feedback to RfR.

4.3 Referral to and preparation for an RfR support group

  • Purpose / when. Ongoing belonging, normalising and practical peer wisdom for people dealing with changing beliefs. [source: Support Groups page]
  • What the service does.
    • Format: a monthly 2-hour group led by a trained volunteer, in person or on Zoom, free. [source: Volunteer page; Support Groups page]
    • Content: members share experiences and feelings while others listen, empathise and support. [source: Support Groups page]
    • Rules: no preaching, no proselytising, no endorsing supernatural practices, protect confidentiality, no full names, and you need not be an atheist. Some groups have a specific focus, such as a women's meeting. [source: Support Groups page; meeting #1001]
  • Steps [synthesis].
    1. Search the meetings directory with the client, or set it as a task, filtering by time zone, language and focus. Look at the house rules and facilitator contact on the listing.
    2. Set expectations. This is a peer group, not group therapy. A trained volunteer leads it, not a clinician. People may be at very different stages, and some may be angry at religion.
    3. Plan disclosure: which name to use, camera on or off, how much of the story to tell the first time. A useful first-meeting goal is just to listen.
    4. Encourage joining a few minutes early. The listing itself suggests this. [source: meeting #1001]
    5. Arrange a debrief in the next session (4.4).
    6. Suggest trying at least two or three meetings, or two different groups, before deciding. Groups vary.
  • Example language (illustrative). "You don't have to tell your story the first time. Many people just listen. If the tone doesn't suit you, that's information about the group, not about you, and there are other meetings."
  • Watch for / working when. Less shame, a sense that "I'm not the only one", new non-religious contacts, more tolerance of ambivalence. Warning signs: going home more distressed every time, being pressured toward a position, or a confidentiality breach (see section 5).

4.4 Debriefing peer contact in session [synthesis]

  • Purpose / when. After any group, helpline or online community contact. It turns peer experiences into therapeutic material and catches harm early.
  • Steps.
    1. Ask what stood out, what resonated, and what was hard.
    2. Ask about the body and emotions: relief, grief, envy of people further along, guilt at "betraying" family or God.
    3. Link what they heard to the client's own goals, and pick one theme to work on (see 4.11).
    4. Ask about safety and privacy: did anything feel unsafe or exposing?
    5. Decide together: continue, change group, or pause.
  • Example language (illustrative). "When the woman talked about her mother refusing to see her grandchildren, you went quiet. What happened inside you right then?"
  • Watch for. Clients comparing their "progress" with others'. Clients taking on someone else's anger without it being their own.

4.5 Using the Secular Therapy Project

  • Purpose / when. (a) You need to refer on to, or add, a licensed, secular, evidence-based therapist. For example: you cannot treat the presenting disorder, the client is moving, or the client cannot trust a therapist whose religion is unknown. (b) You want to be listed yourself.
  • What the service does. The STP screens therapists for licensure, secular practice and evidence-based treatment. Clients sign up with minimal information, and their confidentiality is kept until they choose to contact a therapist. [source: seculartherapy.org About; Teachout, The Humanist]
  • Steps (referral) [synthesis].
    1. Explain what the STP screens for, and what it does not tell you, such as each therapist's specialties. Encourage the client to ask candidates about experience with religious trauma and the method they use for the target problem.
    2. Help the client sign up through the site's client link and prepare two or three questions for the first contact.
    3. Arrange the handover with the client's consent, and make sure risk information is passed on.
  • Steps (being listed). Register as a therapist on seculartherapy.org. Expect to be checked on the three criteria. [source: seculartherapy.org About] [uncertain: the application questions and process.]
  • Example language (illustrative). "This network only lists licensed therapists who don't bring religion into treatment and who use methods with research behind them. When you write to someone, ask them how they'd treat the panic attacks specifically."
  • Watch for. "Secular" does not guarantee competence with religious trauma. Ask the client how the new therapist is working out.

4.6 Spectrum of belief and disbelief (locating the client)

  • Purpose / when. Helps a client name where they stand without being pushed toward an end point. Use early, and again when the client's position shifts.
  • What the source says. In 2015 the helpline used a "spectrum of belief and disbelief" tool, running from polytheism to atheism, so callers could place themselves. [source: Tarico 2015] [uncertain: the tool was not seen. Its exact form and whether it is still in use are unknown, so do not present any version as RfR's.]
  • Steps (clinician adaptation) [synthesis].
    1. Draw a plain line on paper. Let the client write their own labels on it. Add separate lines for (a) belief in doctrine, (b) belonging to the community and (c) religious practice, because these often move apart.
    2. Ask the client to mark where they are now, where they were five years ago, and where, if anywhere, they want to be.
    3. Explore what each mark costs and what it gives them. Do not argue for any position.
  • Example language (illustrative). "There's no right end of this line. Where would you put yourself today on belief, and separately on still feeling part of the community?"
  • Watch for. The client marking where they think you want them to be. Make clear again that you have no stake in the answer.

4.7 Next-step action planning

  • Purpose / when. Helpline agents help callers "plan next steps". In 2015 RfR described helping non-believing callers who want support to create an action plan. [source: Volunteer page; Tarico 2015] In therapy, use it after a disclosure crisis or when the client faces a decision, such as telling a spouse, stopping church attendance or moving out.
  • Steps [synthesis].
    1. Name one decision or situation.
    2. List the options, including "not now".
    3. For each option, list the practical risks:
      • money
      • housing
      • custody
      • job
      • safety
    4. Choose one small step with a date.
    5. Plan support for the step: helpline, group, a friend.
    6. Plan what to do if it goes badly.
    7. Review next session.
  • Example language (illustrative). "You don't have to decide about the whole marriage this week. What's one thing you could do before we meet that would make next week a little safer or clearer?"
  • Watch for. Impulsive, all-or-nothing disclosures in the first rush of relief. Look for steps that keep the client safe, especially where custody or housing depends on a religious family or partner.

4.8 The RfR resource library (guided reading and viewing)

  • Purpose / when. Information and companionship between sessions. The library is a curated set of articles, videos, books, podcasts and links to organisations. Its topics include mental health and religious trauma, relationships with believing family, belief systems and worldviews, finding secular community, critical thinking, and resources for specific groups. [source: RfR Resources About]
  • Steps [synthesis].
    1. Look at the topic list yourself first, so you can point to sections that match the client's goals.
    2. Set one item at a time, matched to the current theme, for example the family-relationships section before a holiday visit.
    3. Ask in session what fitted and what did not.
  • Example language (illustrative). "There's a section on dealing with family who still believe. Pick one thing from it that looks useful, and we'll talk about whether it fits your family."
  • Watch for. Using critical-thinking or apologetics content to prepare for arguments with family. That tends to escalate conflict. See 5.4.

4.9 Peer narratives: podcast, RfRx Talks, blog, online community

  • Purpose / when. These help with normalising and with a sense of hope, especially for clients who cannot yet go to a group. The podcast and RfRx Talks feature people harmed by extreme religion. The ExCommunications blog publishes personal stories. Online Community moderators keep discussion respectful and safe. [source: Wikipedia; Volunteer page; Projects page]
  • Steps [synthesis].
    1. Suggest one episode or story whose background is close to the client's (same tradition, similar losses).
    2. Debrief which parts of the story they recognised in themselves and which they did not.
    3. For the online community, agree privacy settings and how much time to spend there.
  • Watch for. Retraumatising detail in harm stories. Hours of scrolling that replace in-person contact.

4.10 Crisis bridging alongside peer services

  • Purpose / when. RfR is peer support. In 2015 it described keeping callers in crisis on the line and connecting them to crisis-trained services. [source: Tarico 2015] Shunning, losing a family or being outed can cause acute distress, so every client referred to RfR needs a separate clinical safety plan.
  • Steps [synthesis; standard practice].
    1. Do a structured risk assessment at intake and after major ruptures with family or community.
    2. Write a collaborative safety plan covering:
      • warning signs
      • internal coping
      • people and places for distraction (RfR helpline, chat, group friends)
      • people to ask for help
      • professional and crisis contacts, with your local crisis line listed separately from RfR
      • steps to make the environment safer, including lethal-means counselling (storage and removal)
    3. Agree when the client should call crisis services instead of the RfR line.
    4. If domestic violence or coercive control is present, add DV-specific planning and services.
  • Example language (illustrative). "The peer line is great for loneliness and doubt. If you're thinking of ending your life, though, that's the crisis number, or emergency services."
  • Watch for. Clients using peer lines instead of crisis care when risk is high. Risk going up when family cuts contact or around religious holidays [synthesis].

4.11 Using the published group themes as a therapy agenda [synthesis]

  • Purpose / when. RfR lists the topics members typically bring to groups:
    • grief over lost beliefs or community
    • betrayal
    • fear or doubt about leaving
    • relationships with people who still believe
    • anger about manipulation or coercion
    • letting go of shame or guilt
    • personal growth
    • goals and sources of comfort
    [source: Support Groups page] A clinician can use this list as a map for therapy in parallel with group attendance.
  • Steps.
    1. Show the client the themes and ask which feel most alive right now.
    2. Match each theme to evidence-based work you already offer. For example:
      • grief work for losses
      • cognitive and compassion-focused work for shame and guilt
      • exposure-based or cognitive work for fear of punishment or hell, if it is an anxiety problem
      • interpersonal and communication skills for relationships with believers
      • values work for goals and comfort
    3. Revisit the list every few sessions.
  • Watch for. Anger at coercion is legitimate, and you should validate it. If it becomes the whole identity, gently widen the focus to growth and values.

4.12 Preparing for relationships with believing family [synthesis]

  • Purpose / when. Relationships with believers are a published group theme, and family is a resource-library category. [source: Support Groups page; Resources About] Use when the client is planning to tell family, or facing conflict, shunning or pressure to return.
  • Steps.
    1. Clarify the client's goal: being understood, preserving the relationship, setting boundaries, or simply surviving the visit.
    2. Choose what to share and what to keep private.
    3. Role-play the conversation, with the therapist as the family member, focusing on boundary statements rather than theological debate. This is consistent with RfR's no-debate stance.
    4. Plan exits and support for afterwards: a group the following week, a helpline call.
    5. Debrief.
  • Example language (illustrative, for the client to use). "I'm not asking you to agree with me. I'm asking us to keep having Sunday dinner without talking about this."
  • Watch for. Safety, custody or financial dependency. Where these are present, slow down and get legal or social-work input.

4.13 Working alongside RfR as a volunteer

  • Purpose / when. A clinician may volunteer as a helpline agent, group leader or co-leader, moderator, trainer or mentor. [source: Volunteer page]
  • What is required.
    • age 18 or over
    • completing role training: 8–10 weeks for the helpline; up to about 20 hours for group leaders, made up of self-paced study, one-to-one sessions with trainers and hands-on experience
    • following the Volunteer Policy Manual and the Rules of Conduct: neutrality, confidentiality, no proselytising, sobriety
    • committing to about one year, plus continuing education
    [source: Volunteer page]
  • Steps [synthesis].
    1. Volunteer in the peer role as defined. Do not offer therapy, diagnosis or clinical advice inside RfR spaces.
    2. Do not recruit RfR members into your practice. Refer them through neutral routes such as the STP.
    3. Do not volunteer in a group your current clients attend.
    4. Check what your licensing board and your insurer say about volunteer roles.
  • Watch for. Dual relationships, and being pulled into a clinical role by distressed members. Use RfR's own escalation routes and crisis referral.

4.14 Adapting RfR principles in a clinician-run group [synthesis]

  • Purpose / when. You want to run your own therapy or psychoeducation group for people leaving religion. Do not use the RfR name unless you are an RfR-trained facilitator running an official meeting.
  • Steps.
    1. Adopt RfR's house rules:
      • no preaching or proselytising
      • no debate
      • members need not be atheist
      • confidentiality
      • first names only
    2. Screen members individually for risk and fit, as you would for any therapy group.
    3. Structure each meeting: a check-in, one theme from 4.11, peer sharing with you facilitating, then a closing round with one next step.
    4. Collect anonymous feedback, as RfR meeting listings do.
  • Watch for. Groups drifting into anti-religious debate, which breaks the neutrality that RfR practice depends on.

4.15 "Recovering Your Sexuality" online class [uncertain]

  • What the source says. Wikipedia reports a 2014 online class on how religion affects sexual development and identity. [source: Wikipedia] Its current availability and content are [uncertain]. Check with RfR before referring a client to it. For sexuality concerns, refer to a qualified sex therapist or affirming clinician [synthesis].

5. Handling problems

RfR does not publish clinical problem-handling guidance. Everything in this section is my own [synthesis] unless it carries a [source] tag.

  • 5.1 The client still believes or is ambivalent and fears an "atheist group".
    • RfR states that you do not need to be an atheist and that groups do not aim to de-convert anyone or tell members what to believe. [source: meeting #1001; Tarico 2015]
    • Share this, and offer the helpline or chat first, since it carries the lowest commitment.
    • Keep therapy neutral, and work on the ambivalence itself rather than pushing it toward a resolution.
  • 5.2 The group feels hostile to religion, or a member argues.
    • Debate and proselytising both break RfR rules. [source: Volunteer page; Support Groups page]
    • Encourage the client to use the meeting's feedback form or contact the facilitator, or to try a different meeting. [source: meeting #1001 feedback links]
    • In session, separate the client's own feelings from what the group expects them to feel.
  • 5.3 Overwhelm after hearing others' harm stories.
    • Treat it as trauma activation. Use grounding and pacing, reduce group frequency or switch to listening only, and spend therapy sessions on stabilisation before going back.
    • Where there is a trauma disorder, offer evidence-based trauma treatment yourself or through an STP referral.
  • 5.4 Using RfR material to fight with family.
    • Name the cost and restate the goal of the relationship (4.12).
    • Point back to RfR's own no-debate stance as a model.
  • 5.5 Practical threats: shunning, custody, housing, job.
    • The helpline has reported these crises and refers callers to local social services. [source: Tarico 2015]
    • Clinician tasks:
      • make a safety and resource plan
      • refer to legal advice, especially in custody disputes
      • refer to social work or housing services
      • write documentation letters where appropriate
    • Peer support goes alongside this, not in place of it.
  • 5.6 Suicidality or self-harm.
    • RfR is not a crisis service, so follow standard risk assessment and safety planning (4.10).
    • Increase contact. If risk is imminent, use emergency services.
    • Watch the periods after excommunication, being outed or a family cut-off.
  • 5.7 Non-adherence: the client never contacts RfR.
    • Explore the barriers: fear of being recognised, shame, the belief that "I should cope alone", unsuitable time zones.
    • Lower the step to anonymous chat, an online meeting with the camera off, or a single resource.
    • Rehearse the first contact in session. Accept no as a valid answer.
  • 5.8 Over-reliance on online community or peer lines.
    • Track the time spent there.
    • Encourage building in-person, non-religious connections and a values-based life, not only an identity as "ex-". Taper gradually.
  • 5.9 Confidentiality breach or being recognised.
    • RfR asks members not to share identifying details. [source: meeting #1001]
    • In small communities, suggest an online meeting in another region.
    • If a breach happens, help with damage control and disclosure planning, and report it to RfR through its contact routes.
  • 5.10 Minors.
    • The example meeting is for ages 16 and over, and RfR volunteers must be 18 or over. [source: meeting #1001; Volunteer page]
    • For a young person, check consent law, parental rights and safeguarding before referring.
    • A teenager thrown out by religious parents is a safeguarding and housing matter first. [source: Tarico 2015 for the scenario]
  • 5.11 Rupture over the therapist's own religion or secularity.
    • Clients may have been harmed by therapists who brought in religion, for example by telling them to pray for discernment or dismissing their sexual identity. [source: Teachout, The Humanist]
    • Raise the topic openly. Disclose your stance briefly if that is clinically appropriate, restate that you are neutral, and repair the rupture.
    • If the client cannot trust you, offer an STP referral without defensiveness.
  • 5.12 Stuck in grief or anger.
    • Name both the loss and the liberation.
    • Use grief interventions for the lost community and the lost certainty, and values work for what the client wants to build.
    • Peer groups can model later stages of the process.
  • 5.13 Culture or ethnicity bound up with religion.
    • Leaving can mean losing language, food, family rituals and ethnic belonging.
    • Explore what the client wants to keep. Also refer to tradition-specific exit organisations where they exist. The helpline has referred people leaving Orthodox Judaism to Footsteps. [source: Tarico 2015 for the Footsteps example]
  • 5.14 The STP therapist was a poor fit.
    • STP screening covers licensure, secularity and evidence-based practice, not specialism. [source: seculartherapy.org About]
    • Help the client contact another listed therapist with more specific questions, and ask to be told how it goes.
  • 5.15 High-control groups and coercive control.
    • Where clients describe coercive control, assess for ongoing contact with or threats from the group.
    • Plan digital privacy, and consider specialist referral for people leaving high-control groups.

Sources

Sources:

Further reading (not drawn on): the RfR hotline-and-live-chat page, the RfR Secular Therapy page, the seculartherapy.org FAQ and the therapist registration page. Details that would come from these are marked [uncertain]. No RfR manual, facilitator guide or Volunteer Policy Manual is publicly available, and Darrel Ray's books were not consulted.

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