Humanist and independent celebrants

1. Introduction

Version followed: the Humanist Ceremonies network of Humanists UK (England, Wales, Northern Ireland and the Channel Islands) as its celebrant and training pages describe it; the Institute of Civil Funerals (IoCF) Code of Practice, Version 01, updated November 2020, for independent civil funeral celebrants; the Celebrant Foundation & Institute (US) as its own page describes it; Sunday Assembly as a secular congregation; and, for therapist-designed ritual, van der Hart and Goossens (1987) on leave-taking rituals and Imber-Black, Roberts and Whiting (1988) on rituals in family therapy.

Humanist and independent celebrancy is not a psychotherapy. It is a ceremonial profession: trained, non-clergy celebrants write and lead personalised, non-religious or belief-inclusive ceremonies for life events. Humanists UK describes its celebrants as leading non-religious ceremonies such as weddings, namings and funerals, reflecting each client's "values, beliefs, and their heart's desires"; humanists, in its words, believe this life is the only one we have, make sense of the world through reason and evidence, and put human welfare and happiness at the centre of ethical decisions [source: Humanists UK, Become a celebrant; What is a humanist celebrant?]. Independent (civil) celebrants are not tied to a belief position: the IoCF Code states that ceremonies reflect the client's needs and wishes and that a civil funeral "may include religious material if requested" [source: IoCF Code of Practice, points 1 and 6]. In the US, the Celebrant Foundation & Institute (founded 2001 in New Jersey by Gaile and Pat Sarma, based in Montclair) educates and certifies "Life-Cycle Celebrants" who create ceremonies meant to be "a genuine expression of the honoree celebrated" [source: Celebrant Foundation & Institute, About us].

How change happens, as the sources frame it: a ceremony marks a transition publicly, gathers the community as witness, and tells a true story of a life or a relationship; there is "no 'second chance' with a ceremony" [source: Humanists UK, Become a celebrant]. In family therapy, Imber-Black, Roberts and Whiting treat a ritual as a specific sequence of acts meant to mark or promote change, organised around beliefs a family wants to keep or change, and use ordinary family rituals as the basis for therapeutic ones [source: Friesen 1994 review]. Van der Hart and Goossens use a directed leave-taking ritual to help mourners whose grief is conflicted or whose traditional mourning rites were absent or inadequate [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987]. The psychotherapist's role is therefore mostly indirect: assessing what ceremony means to the client, preparing and debriefing a client who takes part in one, collaborating with or referring to celebrants, co-designing therapeutic rituals with the client as author, and, only where trained and accredited, acting as a celebrant in a clearly separate role [synthesis].

2. Framework

There are three layers: the celebrant's ceremony process (as celebrant bodies publish it), the therapist's work around a ceremony [synthesis], and a therapeutic leave-taking ritual inside therapy (van der Hart and Goossens).

2a. The celebrant's ceremony process (as published)

First contact. For funerals, typically through the funeral director; the Humanists UK funeral training covers "the process from the funeral director's first contact"; for weddings, from the couple's first contact [source: Humanists UK, Training Information Guidelines].
Meeting with the family or couple. The IoCF Code asks members to meet the client face to face, normally at their home where possible, and to tell a relative or colleague in advance about home visits for security (point 2). A funeral-sector guide describes the humanist "family tribute meeting" in person or by video, gathering stories, photographs and music [source: IoCF Code; NAFD Funeral Directory guide]. For namings, the Humanists UK celebrant discusses the family's hopes for the child; for weddings, learns the couple's story [source: Humanists UK, What is a humanist celebrant?].
Fact-gathering and script. The tribute rests on accurate facts, usually from several sources including friends and colleagues (IoCF point 3); the ceremony is delivered from a full written text, including others' contributions, which the client checks before the day (point 8) [source: IoCF Code].
Delivery. A typical humanist funeral, as one sector guide describes it: entrance music and welcome; opening words and the life story; readings and tributes from family and friends; music; a period of reflection in place of prayer; the committal (curtains or lowering) with non-religious words or music; closing words and exit [source: NAFD Funeral Directory guide]. Humanist funerals contain no prayers, scripture or references to God or an afterlife; a hymn of personal meaning may be included after discussion [source: NAFD Funeral Directory guide].
After. The IoCF Code asks members to offer a commemorative copy of the text (point 8) [source: IoCF Code].
Session count and format. Not specified by the sources as a fixed number of meetings [uncertain: not verified].

2b. Training, accreditation and legal status (as published)

Humanists UK. Applicants must identify as humanist and join Humanists UK; they are interviewed by video by the Ceremonies Network Manager. Training for weddings and funerals has three stages (Induction, one day; General Skills, two days with a residential element; Technical, two days with a residential element, the funeral strand partly held at a crematorium); namings have two. Trainees are assessed continuously against a competencies framework, with written assignments and observed ceremonies; each stage must be passed to progress. Completion gives "probationary accreditation"; full accreditation follows an observed ceremony within six months (funerals) or twelve months (weddings and namings). Each trainee has a mentor. Accredited celebrants conduct only the ceremony types they are accredited for, "exclusively in the name of" the network, pay an accreditation fee, and are covered by public liability and professional indemnity insurance provided by Humanists UK [source: Humanists UK, Become a celebrant; Training Information Guidelines]. Scotland is served by the sister charity Humanist Society Scotland [source: Humanists UK, Become a celebrant].
IoCF. Members follow the 17-point Code of Practice (quality, accuracy, family participation, full written script, no promotion of other causes or beliefs, confidentiality, courtesy) [source: IoCF Code]. IoCF training and membership requirements are set out in its Conditions of Membership [uncertain: not verified].
Celebrant Foundation & Institute. Educates and certifies Life-Cycle Celebrants; its page names accreditations from the Academy of Professional Funeral Service Practice, the International Association of Wedding Professionals and the International Coaching Federation [source: Celebrant Foundation & Institute, About us]. Course structure [uncertain: not verified].
Legal status of weddings. Humanist marriages have been legally recognised in Scotland since 2005 (a decision by the Registrar General), in the Republic of Ireland since 2012, Northern Ireland since 2018 following a Court of Appeal ruling, Jersey since 2019 and Guernsey since 2021; in England and Wales they are not legally recognised, so couples also need a civil ceremony; the Law Commission reported on weddings law in July 2022 [source: Humanists UK, Scotland celebrates 20 years]. A secondary source dates Northern Ireland to 2017 [uncertain: secondary, unverified]. In the US, rules vary by state, and humanist celebrants are usually treated as clergy [uncertain: secondary, unverified]. Independent celebrants in the UK generally conduct non-legal ceremonies alongside a civil registration [uncertain: not verified]. Funerals carry no equivalent officiant licensing in the sources [uncertain: not verified].
Secular congregations. Sunday Assembly, started by Pippa Evans and Sanderson Jones with a first event on 7 January 2013, uses the motto "Live better. Help often. Wonder more." and a nine-point charter (celebrates life; no doctrine, texts or deity; radically inclusive; free and not-for-profit; community mission; independent; built to last; does not prescribe how to live; fun, kind and participatory); local assemblies are set up independently. A typical assembly has songs, a reading, a talk, a moment of silent reflection, a community activity and tea afterwards [source: Sea of Faith Network library article, 2014]. Current scale and status [uncertain: not verified].

2c. The therapist's work around a ceremony [synthesis]

Assessment: what the ceremony is for, who decides, belief positions in the family, grief or transition status, risk. Move on when the client's own aims for the ceremony are clear.
Choice and preparation: celebrant type, legal requirements, contributions, rehearsal of difficult moments. Move on when the client has made informed choices and has a plan for the day, including support.
The event: the client takes part; the therapist does not usually attend (see section 5).
Debrief and integration: what happened, what it meant, what remains unfinished. Move on to therapeutic ritual (2d) only if needs remain that the public ceremony did not meet.

2d. Therapeutic leave-taking ritual (van der Hart and Goossens 1987)

A short-term, directive mourning therapy in three phases, with sessions at least weekly but most work done as homework, sessions serving to evaluate progress and consult:

Preparatory phase: assessment of the client and social environment (family therapy with rituals may suit when the whole family grieves); explanation of how the ritual may help; motivation check, as the work is demanding and can raise strong feelings including anger; a preliminary contract on the treatment goal, then a definitive contract specifying the ritual's design; family informed; emergency contact arrangements.
Reorganisation phase: most grief work; collecting or making key symbols; continuous leave-taking letters. Clients may reach a low point of despair, sometimes with suicidal thoughts, needing extra contact.
Finalisation phase: leave-taking ceremony, cleansing ritual and reunion ritual; follow-up may address a later memorial ceremony and anniversary rituals.
Criteria for moving on: ending the letters is decided with the therapist; signs of readiness include less preoccupation with the past, dreams of taking leave and growing interest in the present [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987].

3. Guiding principles

The client is the author. Ceremonies reflect the client's values and wishes (Humanists UK; IoCF point 1); in therapy, the therapist proposes structure, the client chooses content. Practical meaning: offer options, never a script of your own beliefs [source: Humanists UK; IoCF Code; synthesis].
Truthfulness of the story. Tributes rest on accurate facts from several sources (IoCF point 3). Practical meaning: help clients tell a true story, including complexity, rather than an idealised one [source: IoCF Code; synthesis].
Participation of family and friends. Always encouraged (IoCF point 4); contributions included (Humanists UK training). Practical meaning: explore who wants to speak and who must not be pressured [source: IoCF Code; Training Information Guidelines].
Belief position respected, not imposed. Humanist celebrants are non-religious and hold humanist principles; civil celebrants include religious material on request; IoCF members must not use client access to promote causes or beliefs (point 12). Practical meaning: the therapist does not steer a client toward or away from religious, humanist or mixed ceremonies [source: Training Information Guidelines; IoCF Code; synthesis].
Rituals as resources. Imber-Black and colleagues use a "resource model", seeing families as resourceful. Practical meaning: start from rituals the family already has [source: Friesen 1994 review].
Ritual has structure. A clear beginning, a structure, themed symbolic actions, often repetition and metaphor. Practical meaning: design with a start, a middle and a marked end [source: Friesen 1994 review].
Readiness before ritual. Motivation and contract first; in dependent grief the relationship comes first and rituals later. Practical meaning: assess before proposing a ritual [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987].
Not an ordeal. Van der Hart and Goossens state a ritual should not be used as a "benevolent ordeal". Practical meaning: no ritual that is meant to be punishing or that the client endures under pressure [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987].
Continuity as well as transition. Symbols are related to differently, not erased; some are kept. Practical meaning: leave-taking does not mean forgetting [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987].
Quality and no second chance. Practical meaning: give clients time to prepare and review the script, since the public event cannot be redone [source: Humanists UK, Become a celebrant; IoCF point 8].
Confidentiality. IoCF members respect the confidentiality of information received (point 17). Practical meaning: share therapy material with a celebrant only with explicit consent and only what the client chooses [source: IoCF Code; synthesis].
Competence and role clarity. Celebrants work within the ceremony types they are accredited for; the Humanists UK training advises celebrants to know their limitations and have support. Practical meaning: a therapist acts as celebrant only if trained and accredited, and keeps the roles separate; multiple relationships are governed by APA Ethics Code Standard 3.05 [source: Humanists UK; Training Information Guidelines; APA Ethics Code; synthesis].
Cultural humility and no appropriation. Practical meaning: borrow only symbols the client has a right to and chooses; do not import closed or initiatory content from traditions the client does not belong to [synthesis].
Touch and embodied elements. Some ceremonies and assemblies include holding hands or other contact. Practical meaning: consent before and during, a right to stop, never sexual [source: Sea of Faith Network article; synthesis].
Safety and support around the event. Practical meaning: plan who supports the client on the day and after, and how to reach crisis help [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987; synthesis].

4. Intervention inventory

Celebrant bodies publish ceremony processes, not clinical procedures, so most items below are therapist-side procedures built around those processes and marked [synthesis]; the therapeutic-ritual items follow van der Hart and Goossens (1987) and Imber-Black, Roberts and Whiting (1988) as cited. Example language is illustrative throughout.

4.1 Ritual and ceremony history

Purpose / when: early in work on a transition (death, marriage, birth, adoption, divorce, leaving a faith), to learn what ceremonies mean in the client's family. Imber-Black and colleagues use a training exercise in which students write about their family's rituals; the same frame adapts to clients [source: Friesen 1994 review; synthesis].
Steps: (1) Ask which ceremonies the family has held and skipped, and who led them. (2) Ask which felt true and which felt empty or imposed. (3) Map belief positions across the family (religious, humanist, undecided, mixed). (4) Note rituals the client still keeps privately. (5) Summarise the resources and the gaps.
Example language (illustrative): "When your family marks a big change, what usually happens, and who decides how it's done?"
Watch for: shame about ceremonies missed or refused; a client assuming only a religious ceremony "counts". Working when the client can name what they want a ceremony to do.

4.2 Cultural Formulation Interview with the spirituality, religion and moral traditions module

Purpose / when: when belief, loss of faith or family religious expectations shape the ceremony question; the DSM-5-TR "Religious or Spiritual Problem" may be recorded as Z65.8 where the clinical focus warrants it [source: ICD-10-CM Z65.8 (Unbound Medicine); DSM-5-TR wording uncertain].
Steps: (1) Use the core CFI to elicit the client's own account of the problem and its cultural context. (2) Add the supplementary module on spirituality, religion and moral traditions. (3) Ask about the client's identity now and in the family of origin, and about conflict between them. (4) Identify who in the family holds authority over ceremonies. (5) Record whether a religious leader, humanist celebrant or independent celebrant is relevant, and whether the client wants any of them involved [synthesis; module content uncertain: not verified].
Example language (illustrative): "How would you describe your own beliefs now, and how do they sit with your parents' wishes for the funeral?"
Watch for: the therapist's own belief position leaking into questions; working when the client feels their non-religious or mixed position is taken seriously.

4.3 Informed choice of ceremony and celebrant type

Purpose / when: when a client is planning a funeral, wedding, naming or memorial and is unsure what kind of ceremony fits.
Steps: (1) Lay out the published options: a humanist ceremony (non-religious, led by a humanist celebrant; no prayers or scripture, a hymn of personal meaning possible after discussion); an independent or civil ceremony (follows the client's wishes and can include religious material on request); a religious ceremony; or a mixed approach. (2) For weddings, check the jurisdiction's legal position (for example, in England and Wales a humanist wedding is not legal on its own and a civil ceremony is also needed; in Scotland, Ireland, Northern Ireland, Jersey and Guernsey humanist marriages are legally recognised). (3) Ask which matters most: belief fit, family acceptance, legal effect, cost. (4) Let the client decide [source: NAFD Funeral Directory guide; IoCF Code point 6; Humanists UK, Scotland celebrates 20 years; synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): "Some couples hold a legal registration on one day and the ceremony that feels like their wedding on another. How would that sit with you?"
Watch for: legal details changing, so direct clients to the registrar or official sources [uncertain: legal positions may have changed]; family pressure dressed up as practicality. Working when the choice feels owned.

4.4 Helping a client find and check a celebrant

Purpose / when: when the client or family is choosing a celebrant.
Steps: (1) Name the bodies: Humanists UK (England, Wales, Northern Ireland, Channel Islands), Humanist Society Scotland, the IoCF, and in the US the Celebrant Foundation & Institute. (2) Suggest questions: which ceremony types the celebrant is accredited for; whether they are probationary or fully accredited; insurance cover; how they hold the family meeting; whether the family sees the full script before the day; how they handle a reading by a nervous relative. (3) For funerals, note that the funeral director can usually introduce celebrants and that Humanists UK keeps a directory [source: Humanists UK, Become a celebrant; Training Information Guidelines; IoCF Code; NAFD Funeral Directory guide; synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): "It's reasonable to ask a celebrant how they'll make sure the script sounds like your dad, and whether you'll see it in full before the day."
Watch for: the client outsourcing all decisions under time pressure; working when the client reports feeling heard by the celebrant.

4.5 Preparing for the celebrant's family meeting

Purpose / when: a bereaved client is about to meet a funeral celebrant (or a couple or parents meeting a wedding or naming celebrant) and fears being overwhelmed or disagreeing with relatives.
Steps: (1) Explain what the meeting usually involves: the celebrant asks what made the person distinctive and gathers stories, photographs and music, often at home or by video. (2) Help the client list three to five stories or qualities they want included. (3) Identify facts that need checking with other relatives or friends, since tributes rest on several sources. (4) Agree what the client does not want said publicly. (5) Plan support for the meeting itself [source: NAFD Funeral Directory guide; IoCF Code points 2 and 3; synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): "If the celebrant asked you what nobody else would know about her, what would you want to say, and what would you want to keep private?"
Watch for: complicated relationships with the deceased (abuse, estrangement) that make a conventional tribute feel false; working when the client goes in with a clear sense of what is theirs to say.

4.6 Working with the true story: complex lives and difficult deaths

Purpose / when: when the life or relationship contained harm, addiction, estrangement, suicide or other difficult facts, and the client is torn between honesty and kindness.
Steps: (1) Name the IoCF standard that tributes honour the life accurately. (2) Explore what "accurate" means for the client: what must be acknowledged, what may be held lightly, what is private. (3) Draft wording options in session (an acknowledgement without detail, a phrase recognising that relationships were not simple). (4) If the death was by suicide, discuss safe-messaging principles for public words (no method detail, avoid presenting the death as a solution, include help-seeking information if the family wishes) and share crisis resources (988 in the US; Samaritans 116 123 in the UK and Ireland) [source: IoCF Code points 3 and 5; synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): "You don't have to choose between lying and telling everything. What would be true enough for you to stand behind on the day?"
Watch for: guilt, rage or intrusive images after a traumatic death; suicide risk in the bereaved; working when the client can tolerate a version that is both honest and bearable.

4.7 Reviewing the draft script

Purpose / when: when the celebrant sends the full written text for checking (IoCF point 8; a sector guide describes the family reviewing and amending the humanist script).
Steps: (1) Invite the client to bring the draft, if they wish. (2) Let them read it aloud or hear it read, and notice where emotion rises. (3) Check accuracy and missing people. (4) Identify any line they could not bear to hear in public and decide whether to ask the celebrant to change it. (5) Plan any edits to send to the celebrant [source: IoCF Code point 8; NAFD Funeral Directory guide; synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): "Where in the script did your voice change just now? Let's stay with that line for a moment."
Watch for: the therapist editing the script themselves (stay with process, not authorship); working when the client feels the text is recognisably theirs.

4.8 Choosing reflection, music and readings

Purpose / when: when the client is stuck on content, or when content choices carry family meaning.
Steps: (1) Describe the usual places for music (entrance, reflection, committal or closing) and the period of reflection that replaces prayer in humanist funerals. (2) Ask what the person or couple actually loved, rather than what is customary. (3) For mixed families, explore whether a silent reflection can hold both prayer and non-religious remembering; in a civil ceremony religious material can be included on request; a humanist celebrant may agree a hymn of personal meaning. (4) Decide who reads what [source: NAFD Funeral Directory guide; IoCF Code point 6; synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): "During the quiet moment, your aunt can pray and you can remember him in your own way, at the same time. Would that feel fair?"
Watch for: choices made to placate one relative at the client's expense; working when choices feel meaningful rather than dutiful.

4.9 Negotiating belief differences in a family

Purpose / when: when relatives disagree about religious or non-religious content. Imber-Black and colleagues list belief expression and negotiation among ritual functions [source: Friesen 1994 review].
Steps: (1) Clarify whose ceremony it is (the deceased's wishes, the couple's, the parents'). (2) Separate the public ceremony from private rites relatives may hold separately. (3) Explore options such as a humanist or civil public ceremony with a religious gathering elsewhere, or a civil ceremony including requested religious material. (4) Consider a joint session with relatives if the client wishes. (5) If the client wants it, collaborate with the family's religious leader [source: Friesen 1994 review; IoCF Code point 6; synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): "Your mum's need to pray for him and your need for a non-religious funeral don't have to compete for the same hour."
Watch for: coercion or threats of exclusion; forced or child marriage concerns in wedding planning (safeguarding and legal duties apply); working when each party has a place to mourn or celebrate in their own terms.

4.10 Preparing to speak or take part

Purpose / when: when the client has been asked, or wants, to give a tribute or reading. The IoCF Code encourages family participation (point 4).
Steps: (1) Clarify that taking part is a choice; offering words for the celebrant to read is also participation. (2) Rehearse aloud in session. (3) Agree a plan if the client cannot continue (a nod to the celebrant, a named person to finish the reading). (4) Plan grounding for the moment before speaking. (5) Plan who sits with them [source: IoCF Code point 4; synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): "If your voice goes, what would you like to happen? Shall we agree that with the celebrant?"
Watch for: avoidance driven by panic versus a considered wish not to speak; working when the client approaches the day with a plan rather than dread.

4.11 Debriefing after the ceremony

Purpose / when: the first session after a funeral, wedding, naming or memorial.
Steps: (1) Ask for the client's account of the day in sequence. (2) Note the moments that mattered most and any that hurt. (3) Ask what feels finished and what does not. (4) If the celebrant offered a commemorative copy of the text (IoCF point 8), invite the client to bring it if useful. (5) Decide whether further marking is needed (a later memorial, an anniversary ritual, a therapeutic ritual) [source: IoCF Code point 8; synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): "What from the day do you want to keep, and what would you like to put down?"
Watch for: numbness and anticlimax are common after an event; persistent intense yearning and impaired functioning over time may point to prolonged grief disorder as DSM-5-TR and ICD-11 describe it [uncertain: criteria not verified]; working when the client can tell the story of the day.

4.12 Missed, disrupted or inadequate ceremonies

Purpose / when: when a funeral could not be attended (illness, distance, migration, pandemic restrictions), when there was a direct cremation without a service, or when the ceremony felt alien to the deceased. Van der Hart and Goossens name the absence or inadequacy of traditional mourning rituals as an indication for leave-taking rituals [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987].
Steps: (1) Name the loss of the rite as a loss in itself. (2) Explore what was missing (being present, saying goodbye, hearing the true story, being with others). (3) Consider a later memorial led by a humanist or independent celebrant, a private ritual, or a therapeutic leave-taking ritual (4.13 to 4.18). (4) Plan who attends. (5) Debrief afterwards (4.11) [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987; Humanists UK, What is a humanist celebrant? (funerals and memorials); synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): "You lost your mother, and you also lost the chance to say goodbye properly. Both deserve attention."
Watch for: guilt at not attending; family blame; working when the client feels the gap has been acknowledged and, where wanted, filled.

4.13 Co-designing a therapeutic ritual (Imber-Black, Roberts and Whiting)

Purpose / when: to mark or promote a change that no public ceremony covers (divorce, a lost pregnancy, leaving a faith, recovery, a child leaving home, forgiveness or resolution of a past event). The authors list healing, identity, membership, celebration, belief expression and negotiation as ritual functions and use ordinary family rituals as the basis for therapeutic ones [source: Friesen 1994 review].
Steps: (1) Name the change and the belief or value at its core, since core beliefs shape the ritual's structure. (2) Choose the function (healing, identity, membership, celebration). (3) Start from rituals the client already has. (4) Agree a clear beginning, a structure and a marked ending. (5) Choose symbols or objects to stand for the experience, chosen by the client. (6) Decide who witnesses, if anyone. (7) Decide whether it is a one-off or repeated. (8) Rehearse in imagination, check for anything that feels forced, then the client carries it out. (9) Debrief [source: Friesen 1994 review (definition, core beliefs, symbols, functions); steps synthesis]. The detailed design guidelines in the book are [uncertain: not verified].
Example language (illustrative): "If this change had a beginning and an end you could mark, what would you want to happen in between, and who would you want there?"
Watch for: rituals the therapist likes more than the client does; borrowing from closed traditions; working when the client describes the ritual as theirs and feels a shift afterwards.

4.14 Key symbols and linking objects (van der Hart and Goossens)

Purpose / when: in the reorganisation phase of mourning therapy, to give the relationship with the deceased a concrete focus.
Steps: (1) Ask the client to collect key symbols (photographs, objects) and give them new, more prominent places. (2) Symbols may also be made (drawings, poems) or found in nature. (3) Early on, the therapist may keep one symbol for safekeeping, which the authors describe as starting the mourning process. (4) Later, the aim is to relate to the symbols differently, not to erase them; some are kept [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987].
Example language (illustrative): "Would you like to bring something of his next time, something that holds him for you?"
Watch for: distress at handing over an object (do not insist); working when the symbols become a focus for grief work rather than avoidance.

4.15 Continuous leave-taking letter (van der Hart and Goossens)

Purpose / when: the main homework of the reorganisation phase, especially in conflicted grief.
Steps: (1) The client writes to the deceased on a regular schedule at a fixed time and place; the authors suggest daily or three times a week, for about 45 minutes to an hour, which gives the writing a ritual character. (2) Separate notebooks may be kept for different people or themes, to separate overlapping griefs. (3) Each time, the client starts by rereading earlier writing and may repeat messages. (4) Writing is not forced, but the client should not simply walk away. (5) The client aims to express the full range of feelings, the "complete message". (6) The therapist may read passages to help with difficult material. (7) Ending the letters is decided together, using signs of readiness [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987].
Example language (illustrative): "Write to her as if she could read it, including the things you're angry about. Bring whatever you want me to see."
Watch for: a low point of despair, sometimes with suicidal thoughts, which the authors report in this phase; assess risk, increase contact and coordinate with prescribers if needed (never advise on medication yourself); working when preoccupation with the past lessens and interest in the present grows [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987; synthesis].

4.16 Leave-taking ceremony (van der Hart and Goossens)

Purpose / when: the finalisation phase, once readiness signs are present.
Steps: (1) Agree the design in the definitive contract. (2) The client bids farewell to the symbols, often by burning and then burying them, or by giving items away; belongings may be sorted, and each relationship may be addressed separately. (3) Plan safety for any fire outdoors and lawful places for burial [synthesis]. (4) Debrief afterwards [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987].
Example language (illustrative): "What do you want to keep, what do you want to give away, and what do you want to let go of at the ceremony?"
Watch for: an unfinished ritual and the risk of not really taking leave; feeling strained or unrelieved afterwards; working when the client reports a sense of having "set something straight" [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987].

4.17 Cleansing ritual (van der Hart and Goossens)

Purpose / when: straight after leave-taking, to mark exit from the transitional period.
Steps: (1) The client chooses a symbolic act of cleansing; the authors give a long bath or shower as an example. (2) Link it explicitly to the end of the mourning period. (3) Debrief [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987].
Example language (illustrative): "Is there something you'd like to do that says to you, 'that part is over now'?"
Watch for: the act feeling trivial or performative (let the client choose another); working when the client experiences a sense of transition.

4.18 Reunion ritual (van der Hart and Goossens)

Purpose / when: to mark re-entry into everyday life and the client's key relationships.
Steps: (1) Plan a shared event, such as a dinner with family or friends. (2) Choose the people who symbolise the client's present relationships. (3) Decide whether the reason is spoken aloud. (4) Debrief [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987].
Example language (illustrative): "Who would you want around the table to mark coming back?"
Watch for: isolation (no one to invite), which becomes a target in itself; working when the client re-engages socially.

4.19 Anniversary and continuity rituals

Purpose / when: around death anniversaries, birthdays and festivals. Van der Hart and Goossens describe sadness on significant dates as normal and suggest marking them with a private ritual; follow-up may cover a later memorial ceremony [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987].
Steps: (1) Anticipate the date in session. (2) Ask what the client wants to do and with whom. (3) Choose a repeatable form (a visit, a meal, lighting a candle, reading the tribute). (4) Review afterwards [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987; synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): "His birthday is next month. Would you like to plan how you'll spend it, rather than wait for it to arrive?"
Watch for: rituals that freeze grief rather than hold it; working when anniversaries are sad but manageable.

4.20 Membership and identity ceremonies: namings, adoption, blended families, separation

Purpose / when: when a family wants to welcome a child, mark an adoption or remarriage, or mark separation or another identity transition. Humanists UK namings welcome a child into the family with the celebrant discussing the family's hopes for the child; Imber-Black and colleagues list membership and identity rituals and address adoption and remarriage [source: Humanists UK, What is a humanist celebrant?; Friesen 1994 review].
Steps: (1) Clarify who is being welcomed into what, and who might feel excluded (a birth parent, step-siblings, an ex-partner). (2) Explore whether a public naming or a private family ritual fits. (3) Include children's voices with age-appropriate assent; never pressure a child to perform. (4) If a celebrant is involved, prepare the family for the meeting about their hopes for the child. (5) Debrief [source: Humanists UK; Friesen 1994 review; synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): "If your stepdaughter had a part in the naming, what part might she actually want?"
Watch for: loyalty conflicts in adoption and stepfamilies; safeguarding concerns about any child; working when the ceremony widens belonging rather than ranking members.

4.21 Wedding and partnership ceremonies

Purpose / when: when a couple in therapy is planning a ceremony, or when ceremony planning surfaces conflict.
Steps: (1) Ask what the couple wants the ceremony to say about them. (2) Explore family expectations and belief differences (4.9). (3) Check the legal route (4.3); where a humanist wedding is not legally recognised, discuss what the separate legal step means to each partner. (4) For same-sex couples and others who have felt excluded from religious ceremonies, explore what being publicly witnessed means; Humanists UK notes that the first two same-sex marriages in Scotland, in 2014, were humanist. (5) Prepare each partner for the celebrant's meeting about their story [source: Humanists UK, Scotland celebrates 20 years; What is a humanist celebrant?; synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): "Which moment of the ceremony will feel like the moment you're married, whatever the paperwork says?"
Watch for: signs that one partner or a young person is being pressured or coerced into marriage, which triggers safeguarding and legal duties; working when the ceremony plan is shared.

4.22 Secular congregations and social connection

Purpose / when: for non-religious clients who miss community, ritual and a weekly rhythm; framed as behavioural activation and social connection (see Domain II behavioural activation entries).
Steps: (1) Explore what the client misses (singing, reflection, belonging, helping others). (2) Describe a secular congregation such as Sunday Assembly as it publishes itself (songs, a talk, reflection, community action, tea afterwards; inclusive; no doctrine). (3) Agree a first small step. (4) Review the experience, including social anxiety and any contact elements such as holding hands (consent, right to decline) [source: Sea of Faith Network article; synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): "You said what you miss about church is the singing and the people, not the theology. Would it be worth seeing what a secular gathering is like?"
Watch for: local groups vary and may not exist nearby [uncertain: current availability not verified]; working when the client gains regular contact.

4.23 Collaborating with celebrants and funeral directors

Purpose / when: when the client wants the therapist to talk to, or pass information to, a celebrant (for example after a child's death or a traumatic death).
Steps: (1) Obtain explicit, specific consent for what is shared and with whom. (2) Share only what the client chooses, typically practical needs (a relative who must not be named, a reading the client will give). (3) Respect the celebrant's role: the script and delivery are theirs and the client's. (4) Record the contact [source: IoCF Code point 17 (confidentiality); synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): "Would it help if I told the celebrant only that you may need to sit down during your reading? Nothing else."
Watch for: oversharing therapy content; working when the client feels supported without being exposed.

4.24 Planning one's own ceremony

Purpose / when: for clients facing life-limiting illness or wishing to leave instructions, since celebrant bodies offer pre-planned funerals (Humanists UK links to this service) [source: Humanists UK, What is a humanist celebrant?]. Cross-refer XV 115 (hospice spiritual care) and the death and mourning entries in this domain.
Steps: (1) Explore what the client wants said, played and done. (2) Address belief differences with survivors. (3) Encourage the client to write instructions down and tell someone. (4) Explore legacy and meaning [synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): "What would you want people to understand about your life when they're gathered together?"
Watch for: depression or suicidal thinking presented as practical planning; assess risk. Working when planning eases rather than heightens distress.

4.25 When the therapist is, or is asked to be, a celebrant

Purpose / when: a therapist who is also an accredited celebrant, or a client asking the therapist to officiate.
Steps: (1) Check competence: act as a celebrant only within the ceremony types one is accredited for by the celebrant body, under its insurance and terms (Humanists UK accredits by ceremony type and requires work exclusively in the network's name). (2) Consider APA Ethics Code Standard 3.05 on multiple relationships: whether the second role could impair objectivity or effectiveness or risk exploitation. (3) In most cases decline for current clients and offer a referral to another celebrant. (4) If the roles are combined (for example in a small community), discuss consent, confidentiality and endings in writing, and keep records separate. (5) Tell celebrant clients that a ceremony is not therapy [source: Humanists UK, Become a celebrant; APA Ethics Code; synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): "I'm honoured you asked. I think I can help you more by staying your therapist, so let me suggest a celebrant you could meet."
Watch for: the client feeling rejected; liability and insurance gaps (professional indemnity for therapy and for celebrancy may not cover each other) [uncertain: depends on policy]; working when the client feels respected and the boundary holds.

5. Handling problems

Celebrant bodies do not publish guidance on clinical problems; items drawn from van der Hart and Goossens are cited, the rest is [synthesis].

Client not ready, or dependent grief. Van der Hart and Goossens place the therapeutic relationship first in dependent grief and postpone rituals, since the client must do much of the work independently. Response: build the relationship and stabilise before proposing a ritual [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987].
Stuck in the letters, or avoiding them. Writing is not forced, but walking away is discouraged; setbacks are read as signs of work still to do. Response: reread together, narrow to one theme or one notebook, look for the unexpressed part of the "complete message" [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987].
Overwhelm and suicidal thoughts during grief work. The authors report a low point of despair, sometimes with suicidal thoughts, and recommend extra contact; the client should know how to reach the therapist and emergency help. Response: structured risk assessment, safety planning, increased contact, lethal-means counselling where indicated, coordination with the GP or prescriber (no advice on medication from the therapist), crisis lines (988 US; Samaritans 116 123 UK and Ireland) [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987; synthesis].
Ritual left unfinished, or no relief afterwards. The authors name both risks. Response: review what was left out, whether the timing was right, and whether a further small act or an anniversary ritual is needed; do not repeat the same ritual mechanically [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987; synthesis].
Ritual felt imposed or punishing. The authors reject using the ritual as a "benevolent ordeal". Response: return authorship to the client, simplify, or drop the ritual [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987].
Non-adherence to agreed ritual tasks. Response: treat it as information (ambivalence, family disapproval, fear of letting go of the dead); renegotiate the contract rather than push [synthesis].
Family conflict over religious content. Response: 4.9; separate public and private rites; joint session if wanted; collaboration with a religious leader if the client wishes; check whose wishes govern [synthesis].
Celebrant mismatch or disappointing ceremony. Response: validate; explore what was missing; consider a later memorial or private ritual (4.12, 4.19); if the client wants to complain, point them to the celebrant body's own procedures [synthesis; complaints procedures uncertain: not verified].
Legal confusion about weddings. Response: direct the couple to the registrar and official guidance for their jurisdiction; work with the meaning of separate legal and ceremonial steps (4.21) [source: Humanists UK, Scotland celebrates 20 years; synthesis].
Cost and time pressure. Funeral arrangements move fast and costs vary; sector estimates exist but change. Response: help the client separate what must be decided now from what can wait (a memorial later is possible); do not give financial advice [source: NAFD Funeral Directory guide; synthesis].
Children at ceremonies. A sector guide notes that celebrants can acknowledge children directly. Response: prepare children with age-appropriate explanation, offer a choice about attending and a role if wanted, plan an adult to accompany them; refer to specialist child bereavement services where needed; safeguarding duties apply [source: NAFD Funeral Directory guide; synthesis].
Traumatic deaths and suicide bereavement. Response: trauma-informed preparation, safe-messaging in public words (4.6), crisis resources, screening for PTSD and prolonged grief disorder as DSM-5-TR and ICD-11 describe it [uncertain: criteria not verified]; cross-refer the death and mourning entries in this domain [synthesis].
Disability and access. Response: check venue access, seating, hearing loops, BSL or other interpretation, sensory needs, and the client's options for taking part without speaking [synthesis].
LGBTQ+ clients excluded from family or religious rites. Response: explore chosen family as witnesses, the client's right to a ceremony that recognises them, and grief over rites refused [synthesis].
Forced or child marriage, coercion or abuse. Response: follow safeguarding and legal duties in your jurisdiction; do not support ceremony planning that could facilitate harm; involve specialist services [synthesis].
Appropriation of closed traditions. Response: if a client wants elements from a tradition they do not belong to, explore what the element means to them and suggest equivalents of their own making; Indigenous ceremonies only as their communities publish them; never use secret or initiatory content [synthesis].
Request for the therapist to attend the ceremony. Response: explore the meaning; weigh benefit against boundary and confidentiality risks (being seen with the client, being asked who you are); if attending, agree in advance how to introduce yourself, where to sit and when to leave, and debrief afterwards [synthesis].
Dual roles (therapist and celebrant). Response: 4.25; APA Ethics Code Standard 3.05; separate records and insurance; refer current clients to other celebrants [source: APA Ethics Code; synthesis].
Celebrant clients and helper strain. The Humanists UK training notes the emotional toll of the work and advises celebrants to know their limitations, have support and make time to unwind. Response: for a client who is a celebrant, attend to cumulative grief exposure, especially after children's funerals and traumatic deaths, and to boundaries with grieving families [source: Humanists UK, Training Information Guidelines; synthesis].
Celebrant drifting into counselling, or a client using a celebrant instead of therapy. The celebrant sources do not set counselling boundaries. Response: clarify roles; referral works both ways: celebrants can signpost grieving families to bereavement services, and therapists can signpost clients to celebrants for ceremony needs [source: Humanists UK, Training Information Guidelines; synthesis].
Rupture over the therapist's own beliefs. Response: if a client senses the therapist favours or disapproves of religious or humanist choices, name it, repair, and return to the client's frame (4.2) [synthesis].
Physical safety in self-designed rituals. Response: plan fire safety, legal places for burying or scattering, weather and access for outdoor rituals, and avoid water-based rituals involving immersion (cross-refer X 196 for cold-water risks) [synthesis].

Sources

Web sources:

Reference sources cited:

ICD-10-CM Z65.8 , Other specified problems related to psychosocial circumstances (includes 'Religious or spiritual problem')
APA Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct (Standard 3.05, Multiple Relationships)

Books cited:

Imber-Black, E., Roberts, J., and Whiting, R. A. (Eds.) (1988). Rituals in Families and Family Therapy. New York: W. W. Norton (revised edition 2003) [uncertain: publisher and revised-edition year not verified].
Imber-Black, E., and Roberts, J. Rituals for Our Times: Celebrating, Healing, and Changing Our Lives and Our Relationships [uncertain: year and publisher not verified].
American Psychiatric Association. DSM-5-TR, Cultural Formulation Interview and supplementary module on spirituality, religion and moral traditions [uncertain: not verified].

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